No Fair! Mom! Make Him Stop!

Mario Lopez made fellow Chorus Line cast member Nick Adams put on a baggy sweatshirt because he's upset that Nick's biceps are bigger.



Mario Lopez is a whiny little bitch.



Fucking little brat.



Whatever. I'd still do him.

Egad! There are Jawas on the A Train.

Yup, Can't Do That Either

You can add this pose of a Desir gymnast warming up to the 300 other things I saw this weekend that I will never be able to do.

The Physicality of Performance

This weekend I saw Desir, an erotic, adult circus of acrobats and gymnasts. It plays at Spiegel World, the wonderful German-style, performance-art circus tent at the South Street Seaport.



And I finally saw Naked Boys Singing, the all dancing, all singing, all naked musical that has run in New York City for 10 years.


The sex appeal of these shows is obvious. But after the titillation of fit bodies stripped bare waned I noticed something else entirely ... the physicality of performance.

Singing, dancing and even just speaking in a stage voice all require quite a lot of physical exertion. The signs of this exertion, however, are usually concealed by costumes and makeup. Watching the performers in these two shows and the athletes in the Olympics I've been fascinated by how the body moves and works to achieve these feats.

Singers' diaphragms rise and fall. Gymnasts' muscles become taught and ropey revealing the fibers. Dancers' and swimmers' expanding and contracting chests reveal their huge lung capacity and voracious need of oxygen.

But even the subtle signs are interesting, the tense of abdominals needed to project a voice in a theater, the sheen of sweat on a chest or a small of the back, and the little flourishes of movement used to maintain balance. By the end of his Naked Boy Singing solo song and dance number, one of the actor's whole body flushed the most adorable shade of pink.

From now on when I go to the theater, I'll be picturing the performers naked ... and not for my usual reasons.

One of these things is not like the others

Since when do we let white guys into our city's roving bands of break-dancing acrobats?



In 16 years in New York City, I have never once seen a white guy in one of these troupes. I stopped to watch figuring, "These Latin and black boys all have fantastic rhythm. If they let in a white guy, he must be awesome." He wasn't. He sucked. He wasn't even trying. He looked like a bored backup singer for a crappy lounge act.

So very, very confused.

Hi-Def Olympics Pics

You're welcome.

Moment of Zen

Impulse Purchase

I had half an hour to kill on Monday, so I thought, "Hey! Why not get a hole drilled in my head?" So off to a Greenwich Village piercing and tattoo parlor I went and the adorable Cricket here shoved a needle through my left ear.



19 years ago, just after coming out of the closet in Salt Lake City, I went to the earring hut in a mall food court next to the video game arcade and got my right ear pierced, the gay ear. I seem to recall my little act of rebellion also including Taco Bell and some Ms. Pacman.

Now that it's 2008 and I live in New York City, having only my right ear pierced isn't quite the statement it used to be. It's still the gay ear, although most people seem oblivious to the code these days....

Both gay and straight men often have their left ears pierced.
Both gay and straight men often have both ears pierced.
Both gay and straight men often have multiple piercings in one or both ears.
But you will almost never see a straight man with more earrings in his right ear than in his left.

Anyhoo ... I decided to abandon statements for aesthetics.
I was going for David Beckham.



Alas, I think a more honest appraisal of the look achieved is Gay Pirate.



Ah well. It'll do, I guess.

The real entertainment came after I was done and browsing earrings.

The Boy in white on the left of this photo entered with his posse of teenagers and asked for a tongue piercing. The proprietor pointed at the "Must Be 18" sign and told Boy he need ID or a parent. Boy and his buddies left.



Five minutes later Boy and friends returned with Drunk Guy in the yellow shirt. Drunk Guy walked boldly up to the counter and said, "This is my son and he wants to get his tongue pierced."

The writer in me said, "This will be interesting ... Dale, shut up and just watch." Alas, the jackass in me burst out laughing and said, "Oh yeah. That's totally his Dad."

After a brief, fruitless conversation in which it emerged that Drunk Guy didn't know Boy's name, they left and went in search of another piercing parlor.

Eight Isn't Enough

My main system for work and art projects is a Quad Core Mac Pro. I love it and it's been plenty powerful for my needs. So when Apple announced they were going with eight cores standard I thought, that's nice, but aside from video artists who will ever need that?

Turns out the answer is me. Currently I am:

• Recording the Olympics in hi-def,
• Transcoding 200 Gigs of Olympics video files for my Apple TV,
  
• Batch processing thousands of hi-res digital photos in Aperture,
• Installing the latest 500 Meg MS Office security patch, and
• Encoding poi videos.
  

I have all four processors pegged.
My CPUs are running at 118° F and my RAM is at 170° F.

My computer has let me know in no uncertain terms that if I'm going bitch slap it this hard, I can damn well wait my sweet time to launch my email client.

Mmmmm ... eight cores ... drool....

Kaleidoscope Celebration of Color 2008 Photos

I had such a quandary deciding whether to go to Kaleidoscope as a performer or a photographer. In the end, I decided to spin poi and let my awesome friend Connor Hays man the equipment. I had a wonderful time and he did a fabulous job.

Kaleidoscope Celebration of Color 2008 Photos



(It seems some of you can't see some embedded photos in my blog. Please be patient. This will change when I upgrade my web server next month. )

Versailles 1996 Photos

My Versailles 1996 Photos are up. Some of these originals were a bit drab, so I had a bit of fun boosting the color. I hope it's not distracting.

It wasn't until I visited Versailles that I truly understood the French Revolution. Versailles is small, pretty. The buildings are simple, humble. And then there is the Palace....



Le Chateau de Versailles is the most ostentatious building I've ever seen. It sits on grounds that stretch, quite literally, farther than the eye can see. It utterly dwarfs the town.



Suffering in the shadow of this arrogant fortress of wealth and power it's no wonder the peasants revolted. If I'd been starving in Versailles, I too would have been in the mood to sever some haughty heads from a few pompous, royal bodies.

Paris 1996 Photos

Looking back at my Paris 1996 Photos, I realize these trips, with my cheap 35mm point-and-shoot camera in hand, enticed me to see the world through the eyes of a photographer for the first time.



While these are not my best photos to be sure, I do have a certain fondness for some of them and the beginning of the wonderful journey they represent. I hope you find a few you enjoy. I had quite the attack of nostalgia while sorting through these.



Ahhhhh ... sigh ... Paris is beautiful.



Ahhhhh ... sigh ... I used to be a twink.

More good stuff from my ScanCafe project is still to come.

The Chinese Sure Can Put On A Show

Here's some stunning photography of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies.

San Francisco 1997 Photos

Rescuing and Preserving the Past
I decided to try out ScanCafe and I'm positively ecstatic with the results. It's only 19¢ per image, they pay all the shipping, you don't have to organize what you send them and you only pay for the scans you like. I sent them a box load of hundreds of prints and negatives, they sent me back my life in vibrant color with stunning detail on a DVD-ROM.

I can't recommend this service more highly. The only minor drawback is it's slow. It takes two months. But since my prints and negatives were just sitting in a box it's not like I was enjoying them, so I didn't mind.

Here's the first album from this project....

San Francisco, California 1997 Photos

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2008 Photos

As I continue to feed images into the wood chipper more albums emerge.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico 2008 Photos

All of the underwater photos and the first three images here were taken with a cheap disposable 35mm camera. I have no use for prints, so I had them developed at a drug store straight to CD-ROM. Considering the production tools couldn't be any lower, the results are surprisingly good. And while I'd never go back, I do find I have an affection for film photography I'd forgotten.

Bali 2007 Photos

I decided to upgrade from iPhoto to Aperture, Apple's professional photo management tool. As with all professional programs, the learning curve is harsh and occasionally frustrating. But Apple's free workshops are most helpful and the reward for this endeavor is great.

I'm finally bringing order to my rapidly growing photo library. And as I sift through the back catalog finally making albums and publishing them, it has brought these images to life for me once again. I decided to tackle some smaller, long neglected trips before trying to make sense of the 1,000 photos I brought back from Italy.

So here, at last, are my Bali 2007 Photos. If you have a large monitor, don't miss the Giant Bali Panorama.

Hoops, Poi, Bride's Maids and All Manner of Twirling Things

World Hoop Day 2008 Photos Now Live!



Don't miss the whirling bride's maids.



And, of course, poi.

Dale's First Fire Poi Video

My first Fire Poi Video is up.
You know you're just dying to rate it 5 stars, right?

Come Play With Me!

I've launched a Poi, Juggling and Circus Performers Twitter. Subscribe for free updates about when and where I'll be spinning Poi.

I'm only going to use my twitter to create fun flash mobs. I promise not to spam you with crap like "Here's what I think of Obama, I'm napping, now here's what I think of Obama."

Like the Poi logo I designed?

Today is World Hoop Day. Come play with me in Central Park. More info on my twitter.

A (fatty) part of this complete breakfast

Sometimes when I run out of milk I put half and half on my cereal. Is that weird?

Fire Poi!

After ten fabulous weeks of studying poi,
my class graduated with a fire spinning spectacular.

It Came From Craigslist

If you enjoyed,

"Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers?"

Then you'll love,

"Guide to Gay Personals Ads"

and

"My roommate is obese and I am looking to have an intervention."

You're welcome.

Your right breast is my favorite.

"Careful, I'm Not Wearing Underwear."

Does This Lipgloss Make Me Taste Gay?

WTF, Steve?

I compared the browser loading speeds of an original iPhone and an iPhone 3G side by side. The new iPhone with 3G was consistently slower. With 3G off and both phones using EDGE the newer phone was still slower.

WTF?

How embarrassing for Apple's "Twice as Fast" ads.

I'm guessing this is a software optimization issue that will be addressed in the coming firmware patch.

A Cunning Plan That Cannot Fail

I got so sick of misplacing my USB flash drive that I put it on my keyring. Perfect! Problem solved! What could go wrong? There's no way I'd leave the drive plugged into a client's server downtown and not notice until I got home at 2:00 AM costing me $86.92 in taxis. That would just be stupid.



In other news, did you know that a darkened, deserted conference room with lovely nighttime views can be an oddly peaceful place to collect your thoughts? If you're stressed and trying to cope, I suggest a lovely Chardonnay / Sauvignon Blanc blend to relax the soul and lubricate the mind.

Gas Meters + Soda Bottles = Art

Doing my laundry, I noticed someone's been getting creative in my basement.

Mini Bro

It's interesting how the perspective and setting in this image make my brother at the MoMa look like a kid and not the 30-year-old military officer and father of three that he actually is. Adorable, no?

A Study In Contrasts

The constant misuse of email by the unwashed masses makes me crazy. So let me just say a few things in defense of the poor behavior by me that I'm about to showcase.

My email is now tipping the scales somewhere around 50,000 messages per month. I just spent a month and a chunk of change upgrading all my mail systems to handle this volume. This problem is created entirely by stupid people. People who forward kitten photos and lists of jokes, people who "Reply All" to every message they get and people dumb enough to buy things from spam or fall for scams have nearly ruined email for the rest of us.

Back in the days when the Internet was just us nerds there was netiquette, a set of generally accepted understandings on the use of communication technology that helped people not drive each other crazy. I remember the day when ISP installers actually made you take a netiquette tutorial before they'd let you have an email account. Of course, the slobbering hoard of idiots complained or just ignored them and these tutorials were quickly abandoned.

Each time some distant relative or casual acquaintance gets their first email account I try to explain that while email is a fun new adventure for them, it's a business tool and a burden for me. Despite my reliance on it, I now loathe email. But someone who gets 12 messages a month, just does not understand why I don't want messages from them. It's cost me two friendships.

Recently I acted on two of my email pet peeves in very different ways and there's a lesson to be learned from the responses I received.

DALE'S GRACIOUS REPLY TO A "WORDS OF WISDOM" EMAIL

Hi sweetheart,

Do please feel free to write me anytime. I'm delighted to hear from you. However, may I please ask to not be included in forwarded messages like these? I'm so sorry, but as a professional computer consultant I get about 50,000 emails per month. So I have to ask everyone to please not send me jokes, inspirational stories, etc. I do hope you understand it's not personal.

THE REPLY

Who could word something more thoughtfully than you? And, for the freedom to know I can write to you when I'm feeling glad or sad, makes me very grateful. So I can do without the rest.

DALE'S SARCASTIC REPLY TO A "REPLY ALL" EMAIL

Oh my god! This is sooooo cool. I just realized that my email software has two different buttons for reply, REPLY and REPLY ALL. This rocks! I’m so glad I just discovered this. From now on whenever I need to reply to someone who sends out a party invitation that I can’t attend because my aunt has herpes or I just shot my boss, I’m going to be sure to click the REPLY BUTTON and not the REPLY ALL BUTTON.

Isn’t the Internet awesome? I love it!

THE REPLIES

dude - i don't know you and honestly i don't really want to. get a life or some friends because obviously you have neither.

i don't know who this idiot is, but make him stop emailing me.

In each case I got exactly the reply I deserved.

Learn from me. Don't be a dick.