Nobody Likes a Braggart

Murray has made some fascinating observations in the comments at the bottom of this post which have inspired me to indulge in various philosophical musings on the difference between confidence and arrogance.

Here's my perspective. Dictionary definitions are linked.

CONFIDENCE - A belief in the value of one self or what one has to offer, tempered by humility.

ARROGANCE - Pride and fear pretending to be confidence. Arrogance is closed to criticism and blind to error.

A truly confident person is grateful when presented with a better way. An arrogant man secretly fears being exposed, accepts no criticism, is often unaware of failure, and thus learns nothing.

Confidence allows for progress. Arrogance creates stasis.

Confidence draws people in. Arrogance pushes people away.

One of the things I often remind myself, both when I'm performing and when I'm writing is that, "nobody likes a braggart." We've all seen the comic who goes up and brags about his sex life. Nothing turns an audience off quicker. That's why self-effacing humor is so much more popular and effective.

If a comic first shows the audience a few frailties, frustrations and failures (a veritable trifecta of Fs) he can then earn a little leeway to be a bit cocky or condescending. This is a tricky line to walk. I often try because it's fun playing on that edge. I don't always succeed. When successful, the result can be delightfully sardonic satire. When unsuccessful the result is frequently obnoxious, smug failure.

I'm learning that cocky or condescending material can only be done with careful awareness of how the material is being received and monitoring of the audiences' emotions. A little bit of playful charm goes a long way to smoothing this path. Failure to notice signs of alienation leads directly to bombing.