What do I do with this egg on the stage?

I've been thinking about hosting a lot lately.

Much has been written about how to handle bombing, as a comic. And comics frequently discuss the burden of following an act that bombs. But really, isn't handling this problem a host's job?

I've never seen anything written about what to do when a comic lays an egg and you're the host. Yet it's vital for the host to keep one bad set from killing the energy for a whole show.

So I thought I'd start with a few thoughts and invite everyone to chime in. I don't pretend to have all the answers here. In fact, most of these thoughts are embryonic and half-baked.

A while back, I was playing a show I love. It was being hosted by a comic I love, a guy I learn from every time I see, a guy I watch with something approaching awe.

I bombed.

I bombed hard.

I bombed about as hard as anyone has ever bombed.

I came off stage with my ears burning. I was just relieved it was over. But it wasn't. There was one last bit of suck to come.

The MC said, "Dale Sorenson ladies and gentlemen. A very funny man. Not tonight. But usually a very funny man."

My humiliation was complete.

I understand a host's dilemma when a comic bombs. The energy in the room is his responsibility. He wants to bring it back up before putting up the next comic. So a quick cheap dig at failed set gets a laugh, relieves the tension and it "calls the room". That is to say, it acknowledges what has just happened and what the audience is feeling.

But getting laughs at another comic's expense is bad policy ... and not for the touchy feely reasons you might be expecting me to launch into.

It's bad, because it makes other comics nervous. When they see someone else getting trashed, they're gonna play it safe. The anxiety may even cause them to have a bad set as well. And then there goes the show ... spiraling down the crapper.

So what's a host to do?

If you can find a way to "call the room" and acknowledge the situation without trashing the comic who just bombed, I think in the long run, it's better for the show.

An example ...

At a show I hosted recently, "Comic X" did an entire set about taking a shit ... different takes on taking a shit, observations about taking a shit, thoughts he's had while taking a shit, highlights of different shits he's taken over the years.

It was awful. No one laughed. I was sitting there thinking, "Yeah ... this set is gonna make you famous ... definitely. Lemme look at my watch here ... oh look ... he's still talkin' about takin' a shit! Fantastic!"

So he finishes and I get back up. I didn't want to make another comic come up to that painful vibe. I could see in their eyes just how badly they wanted to be released from their discomfort. So I said, "Comic X, ladies and gentlemen ... and his hilarious bowel movements!"

This got huge laugh. More importantly, I think I found a way to walk the fine line between letting the audience off the uncomfortable hook they were on but not slamming the guy who'd just bombed. He knows. Or maybe he doesn't. In which case he'll keep bombing until he figures it out or gives up comedy. Either way, I don't think saying, "What a loser!" is going to help either him or the show.

(BTW, Comic X, if you're reading this, for fuck's sake, write about something else! No one's going to book your takin' a shit material. NO ONE!)

When I was new at this, I usually went to rooms where the hosts were nice guys like Steve Rosso, John Morrison and Dave Baldwin who I knew wouldn't trash me if I tried something new and it didn't work. Thanks guys! I felt a lot safer blundering around in the dark knowing that at least if I tripped, the host wasn't gonna whack me with a bat while I was down.

It's particularly important for a host to be supportive at an open mic. But what about "real" shows?

The temptation to slam a failed set is mighty strong.

One night at a Caroline's bringer I saw one of the worst comics I've ever seen bomb a packed house. The pro who went up after her absolutely killed by mercilessly ridiculing her ... lampooning, mimicking, saying he'd commit suicide if he was her. It was savagely funny. The audience agreed and they roared with laughter.

I don't know what he'd planned to talk about when he arrived, but....

Wait! Stop!

I don't know what he'd planned to talk about when he arrived ... and I'll never know.

His set was completely derailed by mocking the previous failure. Sure I laughed. But I don't remember his name or anything about him.

Which leads me to this....

You can't make a name for yourself by trashing other comics. Sure you can get transitory laughs. But unlike the great routines of comedy, no one will be quoting your bile afterwards, they way they do with Eddie Izzard, Ellen and Bill Cosby.

And I think that is probably the best reason to leave other comics alone. It'll never get you anywhere. Can you think of a single comic who got famous trashing other comics? I can't.

(Insult humor and celebrity commentary doesn't count. That's different. It's "material".)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some goody-two-shoes. (What the hell does that mean, anyway? OK. Nevermind. I looked it up.)

I love dark, harsh, condescending, sarcastic humor. But why not direct that energy at the things in life you feel deserve to be mocked? There's no shortage of them these days.

Jim Mendrinos once said to me, "Comment on your own universe."

Good advice.

Still, if you're gonna host, it's a good idea to have a few techniques in your back pocket for handling a failed act. Sooner or later you'll need them ... probably sooner.

So here's another one from a friend with truck loads of MC experience.

Kelli Dunham was hosting when a musical act whose band members perform as various animals ended their bizarre, incomprehensible set with one of them swinging from the rafters.

The audience was dumbfounded.

Her comment ... "Now there's something you don't see every day."

Simple. Funny. Honest. Gentle. Perfect.

And finally ... the best thing a host can do after someone bombs? ... Tell some jokes that are funny.

Do chime in with your thoughts and suggestions of how to handle it when someone else bombs, won't you?