Straight Guys In Dyke Bars

My friends Kelli and Bevin are now audio blogging. Well I certainly can't let a couple of lesbo types out nerd me. So here's my first offering....

What happens when you take a straight guy to a dyke bar?

Maybe I'll make it interesting by only audio blogging when I'm drunk.



Oh I'm sooooo original.

Say, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Listen closely and you can hear the distant cries of ad execs who, while walking and talking on their Treos, failed to note the friendly sign and fell down the Coal Chute of Doom ... never to be seen again.

They will be missed ... but not much.

The Brown Jokes

Jerry Dante, a smart and thoughtful guy, commented on my blog here that, "Taking a shit will always be funny because it's something everyone does." Jerry has written more on the topic here and asked me to respond.

OK. Hmmmm ... I see where you're coming from here, Jerry. But sorry, man. But I gotta call this one like I see it.... And "shit is always funny" is such a straight guy attitude ... or at least a guy attitude.

When a guy goes into shit jokes (and it's almost always a guy) I tune out. A little voice in my head just says, "This is the best you could come up with? The most interesting thing about you is that you take a shit? Time on stage is precious, and this is what you want to do with yours?"

Sadly, shit-joke hacks literally seem to have nothing better to talk about. Or perhaps more likely, they're not willing to take a risk and expose themselves by talking about something personal.

I once sat in a workshop and listened to the owner of one of NYC's top clubs tell a comic, "don't do shit jokes in my club."

While maybe not all club owners have this attitude, I think most do. Ignore this at your own peril.

"But Eddie Murphy did it!"

Yeah, and Jeanine Garofalo did a Comedy Central special, reading from her notebook which she had on stage. (That's her in the cartoon. I couldn't bring myself to use an image that's appropriate for the topic. Ick.)

But these comics already have a following, earning them a platform from which they can do, just about whatever they want. Those of us down here at the bottom haven't earned that yet.

I firmly believe that shit jokes and performing from notes will not move you up the ladder.

Jerry, you've certainly helped me understand why guys write about shit. But I'm no more interested in the topic than before.

Perhaps my perspective will help guys understand why some people (chicks in particular) tune out on these kinds of topics. I can just see the comics up there thinking, "but people, takin' a shit is funny!"

And I can see a large part of the audience thinking, "maybe, but we just don't care."

I think ass fucking jokes are hilarious. Funny is funny, right?

But I've learned (from painful bombing) that if I ignore an audiences' sensibilities they'll quickly decide to ignore me back.

Sibling Rivalry (Hear My Brother Trash Me On Stage!)

I'm dying, just once, to be the top comic over on Comedy Soapbox. Won't you please help? If you have a blog, post this link. If you don't, just send this around:

http://www.comedysoapbox.com/comedianblog.cfm?ComedianID=1367

So what in it for you? I put a special little treat over there for you....

Sibling Rivalry
My totally awesome, tall & handsome little brother, Neil, is in town this weekend. (Yes, I still call him my "little" brother even though he grew 1" taller than me ... the little brat.) We're having a blast. At my SuperEgo Comedy Show on Thursday night, I roasted him and then dared him to take the stage and retaliate.

He was awesome ... a natural on stage! The crowd loved it.

So go listen to the recording and you'll get to find out what our super embarrassing childhood nicknames were.



Come and get it ... hot babes and pretty boys.
Do ya want the gay one or the straight one?

We be tall!

Cheap, Cheap Shows

SuperEgo Comedy is going gang busters and has expanded, picking up another night.

And I'm doing my first show in Brooklyn on Memorial Day as the "featured headliner" (25 mins!) at Catharsis ... because how better to commemorate our heroic dead than with dick jokes?

So my current comedy schedule is all about cheap, cheap shows!

Check it out ....

Catharsis @ Cattyshack (I'm headlining!)
Monday, May 29, 9pm, $3
(Signup for performers is at 8pm.)
249 4th Ave, between President & Carroll, Brooklyn, New York
Featured Headliner: Dale Sorenson
Host: Athena Reich
"Cattyshack is hosting CATHARSIS, an Open Mic where you can showcase your rawest-newest-oldest-weirdest-craziest work in a safe, listening room environment. All grrrls, boys, trannies, dykes, fags, freaks & straights welcome."

SuperEgo™ Comedy (Expanded!)
"The Comedy Show for EgoManiacs!"
www.superegocomedy.com
Every Thursday of the month except the first one (so that's a weekly show with a monthly break)
Parkside Lounge, Lower East Side, NYC
317 E. Houston Street, between Aves B & C
No cover for audience, only 1 (cheap) drink minimum

The 7th Sign

Dammit, people! How many times do we have to tell you?



There is absolutely no honking on Sex Street!

Please pull over and negotiate with your hooker quietly.

High Maintenance? Moi?

According to Bill Maher, "The longer the Starbucks order the bigger the asshole.

I'm sipping my "grande, half-decaf, half-caf, two-pump, white-chocolate-mocha, latté."

Just call me "Major Asshole".

A Bug's View

Do You Like My Monkey?

So I'm walking on 23rd Street and a guy wearing a "King Kong coming soon to pay-per-view Time Warner Cable" shirt says, "Hey, wanna get a free photo with King Kong." The "No, I don't have a fucking quarter!" New Yorker in me instinctively says, "no" without even thinking.

About ten steps later, I actually register what he said and I'm like, "Say what? Photo with King Kong? Free? Hell Ya!"



I love that I totally failed to notice the assistant trying to hand me a banana to use as a prop.

(As with all images on my blog, click for larger view.)

What do I do with this egg on the stage?

I've been thinking about hosting a lot lately.

Much has been written about how to handle bombing, as a comic. And comics frequently discuss the burden of following an act that bombs. But really, isn't handling this problem a host's job?

I've never seen anything written about what to do when a comic lays an egg and you're the host. Yet it's vital for the host to keep one bad set from killing the energy for a whole show.

So I thought I'd start with a few thoughts and invite everyone to chime in. I don't pretend to have all the answers here. In fact, most of these thoughts are embryonic and half-baked.

A while back, I was playing a show I love. It was being hosted by a comic I love, a guy I learn from every time I see, a guy I watch with something approaching awe.

I bombed.

I bombed hard.

I bombed about as hard as anyone has ever bombed.

I came off stage with my ears burning. I was just relieved it was over. But it wasn't. There was one last bit of suck to come.

The MC said, "Dale Sorenson ladies and gentlemen. A very funny man. Not tonight. But usually a very funny man."

My humiliation was complete.

I understand a host's dilemma when a comic bombs. The energy in the room is his responsibility. He wants to bring it back up before putting up the next comic. So a quick cheap dig at failed set gets a laugh, relieves the tension and it "calls the room". That is to say, it acknowledges what has just happened and what the audience is feeling.

But getting laughs at another comic's expense is bad policy ... and not for the touchy feely reasons you might be expecting me to launch into.

It's bad, because it makes other comics nervous. When they see someone else getting trashed, they're gonna play it safe. The anxiety may even cause them to have a bad set as well. And then there goes the show ... spiraling down the crapper.

So what's a host to do?

If you can find a way to "call the room" and acknowledge the situation without trashing the comic who just bombed, I think in the long run, it's better for the show.

An example ...

At a show I hosted recently, "Comic X" did an entire set about taking a shit ... different takes on taking a shit, observations about taking a shit, thoughts he's had while taking a shit, highlights of different shits he's taken over the years.

It was awful. No one laughed. I was sitting there thinking, "Yeah ... this set is gonna make you famous ... definitely. Lemme look at my watch here ... oh look ... he's still talkin' about takin' a shit! Fantastic!"

So he finishes and I get back up. I didn't want to make another comic come up to that painful vibe. I could see in their eyes just how badly they wanted to be released from their discomfort. So I said, "Comic X, ladies and gentlemen ... and his hilarious bowel movements!"

This got huge laugh. More importantly, I think I found a way to walk the fine line between letting the audience off the uncomfortable hook they were on but not slamming the guy who'd just bombed. He knows. Or maybe he doesn't. In which case he'll keep bombing until he figures it out or gives up comedy. Either way, I don't think saying, "What a loser!" is going to help either him or the show.

(BTW, Comic X, if you're reading this, for fuck's sake, write about something else! No one's going to book your takin' a shit material. NO ONE!)

When I was new at this, I usually went to rooms where the hosts were nice guys like Steve Rosso, John Morrison and Dave Baldwin who I knew wouldn't trash me if I tried something new and it didn't work. Thanks guys! I felt a lot safer blundering around in the dark knowing that at least if I tripped, the host wasn't gonna whack me with a bat while I was down.

It's particularly important for a host to be supportive at an open mic. But what about "real" shows?

The temptation to slam a failed set is mighty strong.

One night at a Caroline's bringer I saw one of the worst comics I've ever seen bomb a packed house. The pro who went up after her absolutely killed by mercilessly ridiculing her ... lampooning, mimicking, saying he'd commit suicide if he was her. It was savagely funny. The audience agreed and they roared with laughter.

I don't know what he'd planned to talk about when he arrived, but....

Wait! Stop!

I don't know what he'd planned to talk about when he arrived ... and I'll never know.

His set was completely derailed by mocking the previous failure. Sure I laughed. But I don't remember his name or anything about him.

Which leads me to this....

You can't make a name for yourself by trashing other comics. Sure you can get transitory laughs. But unlike the great routines of comedy, no one will be quoting your bile afterwards, they way they do with Eddie Izzard, Ellen and Bill Cosby.

And I think that is probably the best reason to leave other comics alone. It'll never get you anywhere. Can you think of a single comic who got famous trashing other comics? I can't.

(Insult humor and celebrity commentary doesn't count. That's different. It's "material".)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some goody-two-shoes. (What the hell does that mean, anyway? OK. Nevermind. I looked it up.)

I love dark, harsh, condescending, sarcastic humor. But why not direct that energy at the things in life you feel deserve to be mocked? There's no shortage of them these days.

Jim Mendrinos once said to me, "Comment on your own universe."

Good advice.

Still, if you're gonna host, it's a good idea to have a few techniques in your back pocket for handling a failed act. Sooner or later you'll need them ... probably sooner.

So here's another one from a friend with truck loads of MC experience.

Kelli Dunham was hosting when a musical act whose band members perform as various animals ended their bizarre, incomprehensible set with one of them swinging from the rafters.

The audience was dumbfounded.

Her comment ... "Now there's something you don't see every day."

Simple. Funny. Honest. Gentle. Perfect.

And finally ... the best thing a host can do after someone bombs? ... Tell some jokes that are funny.

Do chime in with your thoughts and suggestions of how to handle it when someone else bombs, won't you?

Nobody Likes a Braggart

Murray has made some fascinating observations in the comments at the bottom of this post which have inspired me to indulge in various philosophical musings on the difference between confidence and arrogance.

Here's my perspective. Dictionary definitions are linked.

CONFIDENCE - A belief in the value of one self or what one has to offer, tempered by humility.

ARROGANCE - Pride and fear pretending to be confidence. Arrogance is closed to criticism and blind to error.

A truly confident person is grateful when presented with a better way. An arrogant man secretly fears being exposed, accepts no criticism, is often unaware of failure, and thus learns nothing.

Confidence allows for progress. Arrogance creates stasis.

Confidence draws people in. Arrogance pushes people away.

One of the things I often remind myself, both when I'm performing and when I'm writing is that, "nobody likes a braggart." We've all seen the comic who goes up and brags about his sex life. Nothing turns an audience off quicker. That's why self-effacing humor is so much more popular and effective.

If a comic first shows the audience a few frailties, frustrations and failures (a veritable trifecta of Fs) he can then earn a little leeway to be a bit cocky or condescending. This is a tricky line to walk. I often try because it's fun playing on that edge. I don't always succeed. When successful, the result can be delightfully sardonic satire. When unsuccessful the result is frequently obnoxious, smug failure.

I'm learning that cocky or condescending material can only be done with careful awareness of how the material is being received and monitoring of the audiences' emotions. A little bit of playful charm goes a long way to smoothing this path. Failure to notice signs of alienation leads directly to bombing.

My Blog ... Now on LiveJournal

Yay! At last, you LiveJournal types can subscribe to my blog. Just click this magic button....

That's it! My blog will now apppear as one of your friends and you won't have to remember to come here to check for updates.

Alternately, if you're using Safari or Firefox you may subscribe directly to my blog as an RSS feed.

You, too, can syndicate your RSS blog on LiveJournal using the form at the bottom of this page. (I'm looking at you, Murray.) This is useful because it automatically brings your posts into the LJ community without you having to repost every entry manually. (I wish other sites had this.) It's surprisingly quick and easy, but can only be set up by a paying LJ user. So if you don't pay for LJ, get a friend to do it for you. Thanks for the help, Kelli!

Ahhhhhh ....

That's nice.

Star War: The Backstroke of the West

And now to the question simply everyone is asking....

What would happen if a Bangkok bootlegger translated Star Wars III into Chinese and then back into English?

Why, fun for the whole family, of course!

Star War: The Backstroke of the West



My God! Not disheveled hair projection!



Um ... you mean like in a bad way? Or a good way?



Funny, I usually have the same reaction to Hayden Christensen.

I think I can see my house!

At the Museum of Sex

A chick mag for straight men called "Gay Blade" ... oh the irony.

Nerdgasm

The biggest nerd orgy of the year, E3, the giant video game expo, is happening right now.

So let's see ... what's news?

The price for the Sony Playstation 3 basic system is going to be a kidney. And the high-end system can be yours for just one human baby.

Awesome!

Better yet, the PS3 is scheduled to ship the day after a massive comet destroys all life on this planet.

Sweet!

Nintendo announced recently that their next game console will be named the Nintendo Wii.

Say what?

The original name was Nintendo Revolution. Bitchin'. Turns out this was just the project name, not to be the final product name. So after a year of everyone calling it the Revolution, they change it to Wii.

Wii?!?!?!

You've got to be fucking kidding me!

According to the Nintendo press release, "Wii as in We" reflects togetherness and community.

"Wii will change gaming forever."

"Wii will bring gamers together."

Oh, I get it....

Wait! No really! I get it! In fact, I've got it! The perfect slogan.... Tell me what you think....

Dive Into the Pool of Wii

Genius no? Can I market the shit out of shit or what?


Bungie/Microsoft is previewing Halo 3, the first game that actually makes me seriously consider shelling out the cash for an XBox 360. While I'm sure the game itself will rock, the Halo 3 trailer for the game sucks. And when I say, it sucks, what I mean is that it blows, it's awful, it's embarrassing and I can't believe that the most well funded game studio in the world would release this dreck.

In the Halo 3 Trailer, the Master Chief walks to a ledge and looks over a cliff. That's it. End of movie.

Boooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg.

Right before Microsoft bought Bungie in 2000 to get its grubby little mitts on Halo, I saw the original Halo trailer at MacWorld. It was a work of art. Thrilling Action! Amazing Music! Stunning Vistas! Years later watching it still sends a chill up my spine. (I have a saved copy, I wish I could find a link for you.)

The Halo 3 trailer has none of that. Worse, the resolution sucks, the video quality sucks and the sound quality really, really sucks. It looks and sounds like a bootleg DVD you'd buy on Canal St.

After much digging, I finally found a hi-res Halo 3 trailer with surround sound. It's visually pretty, but still pretty boring. At least it's not technically embarrassing.

I don't understand why they burried this. It makes Halo 3, Windows Media video and Microsoft all look bad. How did the masters of PR commit such a huge PR blunder?


Spore, the new game from Will Wright, designer of The Sims, looks amazing. I can't wait to play it, which is ironic, because I never played any of The Sims.

(Don't skip the Flash intro on the Spore site. It's really funny.)

In Spore, you evolve your own species of creature from one-celled organism all the way up to intergalactic civilization.

Did you get that?

Evolve your own species! Conquer the galaxy!

How cool is that?!

Gimmie! Gimmie! I want it now!

(Fuck, I use a lot of exclamation points!)


Games and stuff are cool ... but the biggest reason to tune into the E3 coverage on G4TV is Kevin Pereira.



Not only is the smug little hottie co-hosting ... he's talking about his taint. (No kidding.)



Oh, yeah! Right there! Don't stop!

What a brat. He really needs to be punished.

Now let's see, where are my restraints?

Epilogue to Conditioning

Response to the photos of me in the chair have been one big, unanimous, "What the hell is that?"

I was at the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian in the historic Customs House at South Ferry in Manhattan sitting in the middle of one of Wil Wilson's art installations in his fantastically weird Auto Immune Response exhibition in the George Gustav Heye Center gallery.

According to the press release, "The visionary work imagines the Navajos’ relationship to the land in the distant future."

Um ... OK. Sure.

Looked more like a place to get brainwashed to me. But, whatever.

P.S. "George W. Bush is America's greatest president" is a direct quote from one of the last letters my father ever sent me.

Love is nice, I suppose ...

... but there's just one question on my mind.



And The Wet Spots are askin' it!

Being a Good Host

One of my goals in starting SuperEgo Comedy with Michelle was to get more experience hosting.

Mission accomplished ... I've been hosting ... and not a moment too soon. Turns out MC'ing a show, like so many things in life, is more work than it looks.

You're "on" all night long and you have a lot of competing responsibilities.

Here's what happened my first night hosting SuperEgo.

GOAL & ATTITUDES

• I'm going to do 10 minutes of whatever I want at the top of the show, after all, I'm the host.
• I'm going to have lots of funny things to say in between acts.
• I'm gonna rock and everyone's gonna see how awesome I am.
  

OUTCOME

• Many of my forced attempts at humor died horrible deaths.
• The crowd was bored by my long, self-indulgent set of experimental stuff.
• Many comics had to come on stage to a lack of energy because of my floundering. This affected their sets. Which in turn, brought the show down.
  
• I put a fair amount of pressure on myself to succeed, which did not give me a good stage presence.
  
• I did succeed at one thing spectacularly. I made the show all about me. Specifically, I made it all about me not doing a very good job of hosting.
• The show wasn't a failure, per se. But my poor effort gave it a weird vibe.

REALIZATIONS

The difference between just doing a regular spot and hosting is very much like the difference between going to a cocktail party and hosting one.

As a party guest, I get to talk about myself. I get to be fabulous and flirty and get attention and "have fun".

As a party host, I feel a responsibility to make sure other people have fun. I make sure their drinks are full and that they're involved and ask them to a talk about themselves. As a host, it's not uncommon to actually not have a lot of "fun" at my own parties. But I still get a lot out of hosting. It's deeply satisfying seeing my guests having a nice time and to know I made that possible.

It's a different sort of experience. "Fun" is exchanged for "satisfaction."

I went into hosting SuperEgo with an attitude of ... "It all about me, me, me!" Note the completely lack of mention of both responsibilities and anyone else in my goals.



In retrospect I realized how deeply wrong this was. I thought of MCs I admire, like Jim Mendrinos and Guy W and going into my second time hosting the show, I gave myself a major attitude adjustment.

Dale Hosts SuperEgo ... Take Two!

GOAL & ATTITUDES

• I'm gonna do everything I can to help the comics have a good show and the audience have a good time.
  
• I'll do a few, short, warm-up bits at the top of the show and then get right to the line up.
• I'll do my best to draw the audience in and keep the energy up.
  
• I will make an occasional joke or offer an occasional tag when it will add something to the show. But if I have nothing interesting to say, I will say nothing.
• I will keep things moving along.
  
• I will not make the show "all about me."
• I will make the show "all about the comics."

OUTCOME

• Success!
• I did everything I could to try to deliver the audience to each comic, primed and ready to laugh.
• The comics had great sets.
• As the energy waned toward the end of the show (as it often does) I made sure to pump it back up so that no one had to come up to dead air.
• By making fewer tags and doing fewer bits in between acts the things I did do were far better received.
  
• I put almost no pressure on myself and had almost no expectations. So I was relaxed and casual, which allowed me to be occasionally spontaneously funny.

It's amazing the difference a little humility makes!

Your thoughts about what makes a good host?

(The illustration I stole is by my very talented friend, Tyler.)

The New Masculine Colors for Summer

According to American Apparel these are "men's briefs".
Uh huh ... riiiiiiiiiight.

I'm ready ... let the conditioning begin....

"Yes, of course! You're right! It's all so clear to me now....
George W. Bush is America's greatest president!"

Wind & Sun Under The Brooklyn Bridge

Hey Mack, Wanna Buy A Bridge?

"Speaking Truth To Power"

Sometimes comedians are the only ones with the courage and/or the access to speak the truth to those in power.

Stephen Colbert at the White House Press Dinner is one such example.

The Ultimate Climbing Tree

I've been playing the new Tomb Raider, which rocks. And I saw this today and thought, "Wow! That looks like a video game tree that Laura Croft would climb." Don't the perfectly horizontal branches look oddly "fake"?

Apple Is Getting Smug....

It's about damn time!

(Isn't the "Mac" adorable?)

"I have a show today."

I had a bunch of shows in a row. So I was busy and didn't blog. Then the weight of the blog I was thinking about writing became so large I didn't blog. I started a big entry ... then ran out of gas.

I now give up. Not writing about the past is now also causing me to not write about the present.

I'm letting that stuff I was gonna write about slip away and intend to just start fresh with current events.

For what it's worth, here's the incomplete entry about only one show....

"I HAVE A SHOW TODAY."

"I have a show today," is often my first waking thought on show days. The frustrations and challenges of show business cannot diminish the joy of thinking, "today I get to do the one thing in the universe I most want to do, and most enjoy doing." On show days I awake like a kid on Christmas.

So ... I have a backlog of shows to write about.

RAINBOW MOUNTAIN

This was a great gig. My traveling companion and I were treated like royalty all weekend. The staff looked after us, our meals were paid for, and signs for my show were EVERYWHERE! It was kind of surreal hanging out in a bar with 6 photos of me plastered all over the walls.

The cutest part of the weekend was when the shy restaurant bartender came up to me in the bar later in the evening and said, "I wasn't sure if I should say anything earlier, but I recognized you from your pictures."

I said, "Oh, that's great."

And he said, "You're my first celebrity."

To which I wanted to bust out laughing and say, "I'm not a celebrity. I'm just some dork with a web site." But, ya know what? My face was on every flat surface in that place. And I realized ... that weekend, in that place, I was the celebrity. So I politely thanked him with a little smile on my face.

So by the time I took the stage on Sunday night, I felt like I owned the place. I was "the celebrity."

The crowd was engaged, attentive and willing to play along. I occasionally had to draw them out, and they didn't like a couple of my more aggressive/graphic bits, which is interesting given it was a gay crowd. But they were really into my story telling, which I used to break up the pace occasionally and was a lot of fun.

The management had asked me to do a 45-60 minute show. I had been furiously working out new material leading up to the show, to try to get it up to an hour. It wasn't until I was about 45 minutes in that I looked down at my set list and realized that I had over an hour of material. I took a quick inventory. The crowd was with me, the guest services director wasn't giving me any "wrap it up signals," so I pressed on and ended up doing 1 hour 8 minutes. It was awesome.