"Ask The Next Question"

Bam! Boom! Ba-Da-Bing! Ba-Da-Boom!

That's it!

That's the answer!

. . .

Perhaps I should back up.

. . .

Last night I asked the crowd , "Is anyone getting laid."

A woman cheered so I asked her, "who are you sleeping with?"

She said, "an Iranian arms dealer."

So you want to know what I did with this golden gem of a setup handed to me on a silver platter?

Nothing. Not a God dammed thing.

I couldn't think of anything immediately funny so I panicked and dropped it.

Nice job, comic boy.

I'm a fabulous conversationalist (if I do say so myself). But I've always felt my crowd work was weak.

If a woman told me at a cocktail party that she was sleeping with an Iranian arms dealer a hundred questions would jump to mind.

Do you get free guns with that?
So that's it? We're totally out of fuckable American men?
Are terrorists good in bed?

When making social conversation I've very good at hooking into a topic that I think is interesting or amusing. I've been trying to bring this into my act. But there's been something missing and I haven't been able to put my finger on it, until after last night's show.

My formula for crowd work has been.

1. Ask a question.
2. Say something funny.

This has only worked on preselected topics where I have templated responses ready to go. But it doesn't work for general conversation. We've all met that jackass who thinks he's hilarious who makes lame, forced jokes at everything. He's using this formula.

But true, open-ended, anything-can-happen crowd work is much more like cocktail party conversation. The way I make conversation is to get people talking about themselves and then to engage them on the topics they raise. And the formula for that is very simple.

1. Ask a question.
2. Ask the next question.

That's it.

That's the simple key to crowd work I've been trying to figure out.

Ask questions and the funny will tend to itself.

And slowly I learn.

Avoid Transfers?

You mean Jacoby or Texas?

(Gold star on your forehead if you actually get this lame joke. Also ... you're a nerd.)

How To Get Free Technology Stuff

Over the last five years I estimate I have managed to get $10,000-12,000 worth of free gadgets and computers by taking full advantage of extended warranty programs. You can too. My latest audio blog is all about how.

PART ONE


PART ONE - correction

PART TWO

PART THREE

Super Mega Show Report

I'm a smidge behind on blogging about shows. So here's a catch up round up.

PHILLY

Kelli's Farewell Philly Show was awesome. I've performed for Kelli's room twice before and as they say, third time's a charm.

The one-woman marketing bonanza that is Kelli Dunham filled the place. The girl knows how to pack a room.

Right before the show ... "I'm ready for my close up."

Knowing what to expect going in this time I adapted my set list. I have several bits of which I'm very fond which don't play well for straight crowds. But they come alive when I do them for lesbians. Giving up a few fat chick jokes is a small price to pay for this transaction.

I still offended them a few times. But the difference is, this time I did it on purpose. I tweaked their noses with a little twinkle in my eye and a grin on my face.

But mostly we all just had fun together. There were a ton of dykes into polyamory so my riff on that subject brought the house down.

I mentioned the word and then said, "for the two people in this room who don't know what polyamory is ..."

They laughed so hard I had to stop and wait. Sensing an opportunity I dug in deeper.

"... for the two people in this room not actively engaged in the practice of polyamory at this very moment ..."

This got another huge laugh, especially from the people there with several of their polyamorous partners.

It was a good crowd and these were some of the best laughs I've ever gotten ... ever. It's not hard to figure out why. It was about them. It was about their interests. And it was very, very connected to what was happening in the room at that moment.

These connections are difficult to force. But they're easy when I just keep an eye out for an opportunity. As in normal conversation, the best joke is the spontaneous one that is relevant to the topic at hand.

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

After the Philly show I got another PC speech along the lines of, "that joke offended me so you shouldn't do it." This time it didn't throw me the way it did last time. I asked her why she didn't like it. And then in the middle of what was actually a pleasant and stimulating discussion I said, "by the way, that's one of my best jokes and I have absolutely no intention of deleting it." The conversation continued and I was just amused by the whole thing.

Although, I continue to marvel that people have the audacity to make such a request/demand. It's one thing to say, "I didn't like it." It's another thing entirely to demand the absolute deletion of a work so that no one else may ever experience it.

I think I'll start asking joke objectors this question, "If you went to the MoMA and part of a painting offended you, would you demand that part be blotted over so that no one else may ever see it?"

It's not as thought I don't know how they feel. I hang out in comedy rooms full of straight boy comics. So I get offended all the time. A guy actually did some "homo" jokes in my room this week ... IN MY FUCKING ROOM!

You go to the gay comic's show to try out "homo" jokes?!?! SHEESH! That's pretty fuckin' balls-y.

I chuckled and shook my head. But I didn't say anything to him and I certainly didn't demand he stop doing the joke. Moreover, I did chuckle. The jokes were, in fact, funny. It's good to be offended now and then. They're just jokes.

ALL ABOUT KELLI

The Philadelphia Weekly has a great article on the strange and fabulous life Kelli has led. I learned lots of stuff about my favorite dyke that I didn't know. I'm quoted. I said lots of eloquent stuff in the interview about Kelli. Alas, the quote the reporter chose makes me sound like an inarticulate retard. Nothing says stupid like emphasizing a point with "really, really."

Here's the quote I wished they'd used. "Kelli has such a strong, natural charisma, she draws people to her without realizing she's even doing it. Spending a night on the town with Kelli is like chasing a giant, ever-growing snowball down a hill. You start the evening with 4 people and by the end of the night you have a fabulous, interesting, creative group of 20."

STRETCHING TO LONGER SETS

I achieved something I'm pretty proud of at the Brooklyn and Philly shows. I did two, almost 30 minute shows without using a written set list on stage. Before that, the longest set list I'd ever held in my head was 12 minutes. I still had a written set list on hand. But I had resolved to not look at it while performing unless I completely blanked.

The first time, getting ready was really hard. I took 4-5 hours. But I was determined to give up this crutch. The second time ... no problem. The skill has now been acquired. It just takes a certain amount of prep and discipline.

POLYAMORY BIT EXPERIMENT

When I got back from Philly, I decided to see if the polyamory riff could be turned into a bit that stands on it's own. I edited it and tried it at SuperEgo. Mostly it didn't work. I got some chuckles. But, not surprisingly, without the relevancy the material didn't get the response. The one solid laugh the bit did get was when I asked if anyone had heard of polyamory. Only one person responded. So I called her a "slut". That was connected to the room. So it worked.

That's fine. I expected a mediocre response and mostly I was proving a point to myself. I can file that bit away and haul it out when it's relevant to the crowd.

It's fun building a repertoire like this. I've got a nice little menu of bits to choose from these days. It's small but growing. And it helps with crowd work. The larger my bit menu becomes, the better the chance an audience member will say something that provides a hook into a bit.

It's all about looking for those opportunities to create a connection. A mediocre joke can kill when it's relevant.

GAYEST NERD ON THE PLANET

One day at comedy club, Leil David asked my why I carry two PDAs with me everywhere I go. I replied that while I organize my life on the Treo, the only good mobile application for playing the card game of bridge is only available for PocketPC. So, naturally, I need both.

This makes perfect sense to me.

After a moment of considered silence Leil says to me, "Dale your whole act is about being a big gay nerd ... and that is the gayest, nerdiest thing I have ever heard in my entire life."

This struck me funny, so I did what comics do ... I tried to turn it into a bit. Alas, the difference between mobile OS platforms (Palm vs. PocketPC) is too obscure for a general audience to work as a premise. (Guess that's another one I'll have to save for when I headline Linux World.)

But this observation by Leil an some other factors led me to new theme....

"I am on a personal quest to become the gayest nerd on the planet."

This theme has provided fuel for some great writing lately.

Even more satisfyingly, it has provided a link between the opening gay joke in my audition set and the nerd material that comes after it. I have struggled for six months with three sentences and the best segue I could come up with was clumsy at best, and a non-sequitur at worst. I'd been so frustrated with this for so long I finally had to just leave it alone.

But now I've got the perfect link and set up for my nerd material all in one. Prior to this, the nerd jokes lacked cohesion and all just sort of lay together in an unstructured pile, like dirty laundry on the floor. Now they all support an idea.

Thanks for the inspiration, Leil! You rock, buddy.

THE JOY OF RANT

Last week was really frustrating. (Don't ask.) So when SuperEgo came around I wasn't sure what to do. I'd written some material about how I'm too old for gay pride. As the day wore on and the show drew closer my personal emotions began to mix with the material and it hit me that I was in the perfect mood to do an angry set.

So I dug up a few angry jokes and did a whole anti-gay pride rant. It hit the jackpot. Much funny was had.

Angry material feels both dangerous and powerful to me. It's fun and scary to wield such strong emotions. The smart and super funny Sue Ball said to me after the show, "I like the angry stuff. You seem like a ranter."

I am a ranter. In real life, I rant almost constantly. It's pretty much my default mode of communication. I have opinions about virtually everything. It's a constant battle trying to keep them from getting me into trouble. And yet, this is a component of my personality I rarely bring into my act.

The thing I'm trying to wrap my brain around is how to integrate the ranting with my other material which is much more cute and charming. When I've tried to put both into the same set in the past, the audience seems to get emotional whiplash. Not surprising, I suppose, when I can go from endearing to jackass in 2.0 seconds flat. I'm not sure how to guide them through that. So they end up recoiling at the sudden hostility and I lose them.

Charming works by itself. Angry works by itself. I'm not sure if charming and angry can ever meet.

Maybe I should just give up all the nice stuff and become the gay Lewis Black.

One way or the other, the fact that this stuff scares me means I should probably explore it.

That is all.

Calling a Spade a Spade

Let's get one thing straight. This is not "blended iced coffee." Starbuck's Mocha Frappucino is a caffinated chocolate milkshake.

Mmmmmm.... Yummy....

I wish everything in my life was caffinated.

SuperUpdate

I updated the SuperEgo Comedy website with a new photo logo I made with my cell phone. This lame effort and the stunning change from center justified to left justified upgrades the design from "vile" to merely "butt ugly".

"One day mens' courage will fail when they behold the beauty of a site with actual graphics and stuff, but it is not this day!" (I think I heard that in a movie.)

The show, on the other hand, is anything but ugly. Going into the summer, Michelle and I were worried about turn out dropping off. But with the Tuesday Motel on break for the summer we've got more awesome comics begging to play than ever before. (Thanks for all the good times, John Morrison!)

I've begun to think of our little baby as, "the show that doesn't suck for comics that don't suck." Now there's a slogan that'll sell!

I'm Too Lazy To Get Lost

I'm really into the show, Lost. The story and mythology are excellent.

The show creators have also given us an online game, The Lost Experience. It is set in the same universe but tells different stories that do not intersect with the show.

It all starts at The Hanso Foundation, which seems pleasant enough at first, but quickly takes a turn toward the dark and sinister.

Hint, start with the newsletter sign up and be sure to remember your username. You'll need it when you come back later.

If, like me, you're too lazy to figure it all out yourself, here a Lost Experience Walk Through.

Kelli Takes It In The Mouth

Open wide!!!

Dykeland(tm)

I'm in Philly to open for Kelli Dunham at her fabulous Gayety! going away show. (She's moving to the west coast.)

Join us tonite at 8pm at Joe Coffee.

Since Kelli is the only person I know well in Philly, I hang out with all her friends while I'm here. And since Kelli is a big fat dyke, all her friends are big fat dykes. So Philly has become Dykeland(tm) for me.

Kelli's world is full of constant gender bending ... mostly accidental. Little did I know these experiences are contagious.

Dale: "That guy who made my latte at the coffee bar this morning was really cute."

Kelli: "That guy at the coffee bar used to be a girl. She was a lesbian. But now he sleeps with guys. That way he's still queer. All the female-to-male transexuals are doing it these days. You'd like him. I hear he takes it up the ass."

Jackpot!

I always did like feminine men.

Now excuse me won't you? I'm going back to the coffee bar to flirt with the adorable she-boy. I'm so excited. I might just get to have my first transgender sexual experience. Wheeeee!

Corporate Speak Comes To Grocery Stores

Just thought you should all be aware ... "frozen dinners" are now "meal solutions".

Cheated!

This is what I bought for dinner. Turns out it contained almost none of what is pictured on the package. I'm so very very bitter.

The "Do Over" Show

Enough with the distraction and filler! Here's an entry that actually fits the stated purpose of this blog.

Catharsis @ Cattyshack on Monday was surprisingly enjoyable and provided a startling number of insights for a crowd of ten people. And it marked a number of milestones.

• First show in Brooklyn.
• First show in a dyke bar.
• Longest set(s) on a NYC stage (28 mins+15 mins=43 mins).
• Longest set performed without notes.
• First show with a "do over".

My previous, mostly lesbian crowds have been fairly PC. So I did autobiographical, self-satirical and gay-inspirational material and it went well. They were with me and laughed. But I could see their self-consciousness. So I kept the pace up to keep the show from dragging.

After my set I hung out with the crowd drinking about joking. Everyone told me I was really funny. But one person actually said she was reluctant to laugh because of the small crowd and a second person immediately agreed. I knew what was going on but was surprised that they were actually aware of this themselves as audience members. I wondered ... how does a comic help a small crowd get past this inhibition?

As we chatted, I noticed they were far raunchier than I'd expected. I realized in retrospect I had played it safe ... nothing too offensive or overtly sexual. I commented that "I should have done an all-dick-and-ass set." Athena offered to put me up again at the end of the show for an encore set.

So I wrote another set list of all my dirty jokes ... it ran 15 minutes and looked something like this....

• Gayest Thing Ever
• Kissing Dominicans
• Pick Ups
• Hand Jobs
• Screamers
• Two Fingers
• Gay Porn
• Fucking Harry Potter

I started in and they went nuts. The drunk dykes wanted, "wet, hot, dripping pussy jokes," like I was some kind of comedy juke box. Not having written any of those (go figure) I just took to just yelling out "Pussy!" in between jokes or when their attention wandered. They would reply "Pussy!" and hoot and cheer. It was hilarious. I didn't matter if a joke got a laugh or not. 'Cause I could just yell "Pussy!" and get a huge response. The word was magic.

I was more nervous doing this material in front of my little brother than I was doing the stuff making fun of Mormons (which he is). I got to "Two Fingers" and I was like, "Jeeze, I can't do this in front of my little brother." He egged me on. The crowd egged me on. So I did it. Along with various bullshit claims that, oh no, I'd never finger fucked a stripper in an East Village bar ... the bit is hypothetical.

Yeah, right.

My first set did well for the size of the crowd. But the "do over" was much stronger, even though not all the jokes got laughs. I've been thinking a lot the last few days about why.

I'm certain there are factors I haven't wrapped my head around yet, but here's what I've got so far....

• We'd gotten to know each other a little.
• We'd all been drinking.
• I engaged the crowd more directly.
• So they engaged me back.
• Dirty jokes were what they wanted at the time. (Although I don't know if they would have wanted the same thing earlier in the evening.)
• I was more relaxed.
  
• Having already accomplished my "agenda" I had nothing at stake, and therefore was more relaxed, not that I was tense for the first set. But I felt a responsibility deliver the show. Having done this, I felt no responsibility during the "do over".
• I'd abandoned my previous assumptions and expectations.
  
• I felt more in command of the stage the second time. Whereas the first time I felt I was carrying them along, as often happens with small audiences.
  
• The first set was a monolog. The second set had a more conversational feel.

So from all this comes a simple goal for the future ... deliver the "do over" show the first time.

Thoughts On Audio Blogging

I intend to reserve "lazy" audio blogging for things I would not actually write about otherwise. For a variety of reasons I don't feel like going into, typing is mildly uncomfortable for me. So there's always this little evaluation in my head about whether a particular topic is worth it.

As for volunteer transcription ... look at Kelli's blog. The LiveJournal audio blog system allows people other than the blogger to transcribe the clip. Cool! Audioblogger.com is more bare bones.

Do feel free, my dear reader, to transcribe my audio blogs into the comments attached to them. (Yeah right.)

Murray liked this quote, "Create something interesting rather than begging the world to find you interesting in and of yourself."

How about this rephrase ...

"Show the world the assets you have to give and people will respond with what they have to offer in return. Show the world your needs and people will keep their treasures to themselves."

How To Improve Your Web Traffic

My friend Murray called me the demigod of Page Rank. Thanks, buddy! Not sure how I acheived that ... but I do know a few things about buidling web sites and attracting traffic. I'm way too lazy to sit down and type them up. So rambled about them. Enjoy....

PART ONE


PART TWO


PART THREE