Poor, poor, sad, pathetic breeders!

ZOMFG!

(That's "Z'oh, my fucking god!")

I am sooooo glad I'm gay.

I can't believe the sad, uptight crap straight people believe about sex.

I was listening to Attack of The Show: In Your Pants just for laughs. It's a sex advice column by perky girls for fan boys. It include gems like.

"Ew! I think if ever saw an uncircumcised penis I'd freak out. It's not too late to have it done.

"If your boyfriend every calls you by his ex-girlfriend's name cut off his penis."

"If you're not well endowed just tuck it between you legs and stay home because we're all gonna find out."

"Don't ever have group sex. It'll release hormones that'll ruin your relationship."

Holy shit!

Girls are such bitches. If I was straight guy and had to deal with attitudes like this I'd turn into a chauvinist asshole in about a month.

I also just can't believe heteros' preoccupation with "the number", which is how many sex partners your current partner has previously had.

"What's your number?"

"What's his number?"

"Did she tell you her number yet?"

For progressive, sane, useful sex advice for breeders, fags and lesbos alike, I recommend Dan Savage's Savage Love Podcast. He's brilliant and hilarious.

Gay Alien Marshmallow Baby Pride

Apparently this year's theme for New York City gay pride is Pokemon aliens with marshmallow babies.

Jedi stamps are hawt!

Nerdgasm!

The Biggest Brat on YouTube

Oh, yeah. This reminds me. I need to buy a ball gag.



And maybe a paddle.

Okaaaaaaaaaay ... Suuuuuuuure ...

Apple's Safari web browser for Windows.

... um ...

I guess that's cool?

With Firefox already available and already my Windows browser of choice I'm just not sure I care, Steve.

I guess I'll just wait and see where they're going with this. I suspect it has something to do with being able to tie services you have on your iPhone to your desktop, even if you're a PC user.

P.S. The first two minutes of the video are hilarious.

Bless You ... Times a Hundred ... Times a Million ... Times Infinity

I have a problem.

Multitudes of friends and total strangers are under the impression that I am suffering from either The Black Plague or evil spirits leaving my body.

Thanks for your concern. But it's just allergy season.

Sneezes being cause by evil spirits is no longer a widely held view. So it strikes me very odd that the "Bless You" is still practically compulsory.

When I point this out to people, they say they're just being polite.

Fine.

But ...

Why is the sneeze the only bodily function that demands a ritualized comment from complete strangers?

It's stupid.

And what's more, it's presumptuous.

"Sneeze."

"Bless You."

"No thanks. You can keep your religious superstition to yourself. I don't need it."

As I'm sure you can imagine, this reply wins me lots of goodwill.

So I'm trying to come up with something less confrontational.

"Sneeze."

"Bless You."

"No thanks. My sneezes aren't that important."

If Madonna or The Pope sneezes in your presence ... bless away!

But me?

I'll pass, thanks.

"If anyone needs me I'll be down here with the dust bunnies."

You'd think being a computer consultant would be an intellectual job. And it is ... when I'm doing strategy. But the rest of the time I'm doing implementation and support ... which is a fancy way of saying, "crawling around on my hands and knees plugging in cables."

It's really the bane of my existence.

It's not so bad when I know it's going to be one of those days and I wear jeans. But it never fails, any time I have an executive meeting and I wear something nice, something unexpected comes up and there I am again, on the floor in the dirt.

Ah well.

Where's My Penthouse?

Looking at the real estate listings in the window of a Tribeca broker, the following thought occurred to me.

I could win the New York Lottery and still not be able to afford these apartments.

I need to lie down now.

Dear Bill, More Space Marine Man Ass in Video Games, Please. THX! Love, Dale

Microsoft has sheepishly admitted that due to an "obscure content error" (or perhaps a "wardrobe malfunction"?) the release of their latest space-marines themed video game, "Halo 2" for Vista, has accidental nudity in it.

I love it.

They didn't say what the nudity was, but the only girl in the entire game is Cortana, a 12" tall, blue hologram. Other than her, it's nothing by hyper-butch, space marines. And if there's one thing I believe in, on my personal quest to become the gayest nerd on the planet (or the nerdiest fag, either one), it's that video games need more space marine man ass.

Alas, Microsoft is delaying the release of the game so they can remove whatever it is.

I went looking to see if anyone has posted copies of Microsoft's little error and couldn't find any. However, I did find a few things I just gotta share.

These links are not safe for work nor for Mormons.

Cortana Doesn't Need A Man, She's Got It Covered
The Halo Sargent Gets What He Deserves
What Halo Aliens Do During Their Coffee Break
Who's A Bad, Bad Puppy?

Now that I'm blogging again, these images provide a sort of Rorschach Test for you, my dear reader.

If you find these images:

A. Hilarious ... you're my kind of nerd.
B. Hilarious and kinda hot ... you're my kind of kinky nerd, you should definitely send me email.
C. Offensive ... you should unsubscribe from my blog immediately.

Good, Clean, Nude Fun for the Whole Family

I'm a big fan of Broadway Bares and feel I should explain why.

[snicker]

Ya, right!

Like I have to explain. Just look at the photo for crying out loud!



What's great about this show is how playful and fun it is. Sexy, yes, absolutely! But never sleazy.

Here's a Broadway Bares 2007 Sexy Preview Video.

It's got something for everyone....

It's got boys.
It's got girls.
It's got dancers, acrobats and gymnasts.
It's homoerotic.
It's heteroerotic.
It's lesboerotic.

It's good, clean, nude fun for the whole family.

So go buy your tickets already.
Why not join me at the early show? (9:30pm)

FYI, there is no seating unless you buy a VIP ticket. So if you buy the general admission $55 ticket you'll be standing the whole show. But if I can do it with my broken spine, then so can you. It's for charity, after all. And nipples.

Charity and nipples.

Oh, and dinner beforehand. Tell me if you're coming and I'll let you know where to meet up.

Tap, Tap, Tap. Is this thing on?

A variety of factors conspired to burn me out on blogging for some months.

To make matters worse, my blog feeds were broken by the Google buyout of Blogger.com and a change in LiveJournal syndication.

It's amazing how feeling not very creative combined with the knowledge that no one is listening can conspire to sap all desire to write.

But I'm back, baby!
The tech issues are fixed. (I hope.)
And I've got lots on my mind.

First, I just wanna check, "Can you hear me now?"

If you're seeing my recent posts, such as this one, won't you please post a comment and let me know? If you include how you view my blog (LiveJournal, RSS, directly) that would be helpful.

P.S. Apologies to anyone who's blog feed is now full of my old posts. This is because LiveJournal fixed my syndication and now sees all these posts as new. Going forward you should only see my new posts.

Do Aliens Laugh?

The more you think about laughter, the less sense it makes. I tell you a story with an inherent contradiction or impossibility and you have an emotional reaction which releases certain pleasant chemicals in your brain and usually inspires you to create one of a general set of particular rhythmic sounds. So great is our love of these improbable stories and observations and the reactions they elicit in us that we create designated places where we go to be reasonably well assured that such stories will be told and such reactions will be had.

How odd.

I sometimes wonder if we were visited by aliens what they would think of humor in general and the strange phenomenon of comedy clubs in particular.