Give Me Some Luv!

I just found out there's a day for me!

System Administrator Day

Whoot!

Monster Thieves

One of the ways tech retailers gouge consumers is by selling new technology with outrageously priced cables.

"Congratulations! You bought your first high-definition TV. Now all you need are three of these $150 cables."

Seriously.

Circuit City, Best Buy, all the retailers, really, have the audacity to charge $150 for a "premium" brand called Monster Cable, the biggest ripoff of all time. There is no reason for digital cables to cost this much. The retailers and those fuckers at Monster Cable are cynically and deliberately taking advantage of consumer ignorance.

I have never understood why good-quality cables cannot be purchased for reasonable prices. In my office I have a box of obsolete cables which are worthless now but I estimate cost me about $12,000 over the years.

I have recently discovered MonoPrice.com and I will never buy cables anywhere else ever again, and neither should you. An HDMI cable is $4, not $150. An optical, digital-audio cable is $3, not $70. A 5-port HDMI switch is $60, not $200.

As I slowly get my new high-definition home theater system up to speed I am ecstatic to have found this supplier. The cables are so inexpensive I'm buying extras to save on shipping.

Buzz!

From dork to bad ass in 5 minutes.

Excuse Me?

The New York Post just knocked on my door to ask if I know anything about the $64,000 in cash and $12 million dollars of heroin the NYPD just seized from my next-door neighbors.

Excuse Me?

Oh sure! They were a lovely couple. I use to go over for dinner on Tuesdays. She made a delightful meat loaf. We'd play canasta and watch reruns of Facts of Life.

I did wonder why they were always so relaxed.

Revived, Repurposed and Redeemed

Instead of one of my usual, malcontented rants, I thought I'd post something that actually complies with the stated purposed of this blog, just to be different.

Two years ago I wrote Ode to the XBox 360 as a satirical blog essay. I liked it and decided to try to perform it as stand up. It failed utterly. But I remained convinced that it could performed and enjoyed in some other form.

I dusted it off, edited the intro slightly and performed it for the Nerd Poetry Slam at the Bowery Poetry Club this week. What fun!

It was my first time performing at a spoken word event and it was a smashing success. The crowd was jammed with nerds. The host wore a T-Shirt bearing the image of The Simpsons Comic Book Guy and asked questions about Star Trek and Muppets.

Anyone who failed the trivia challenge was mocked by audience chants of "Not a nerd! Not a nerd!"

Where previously the bit had failed, it worked here for four reasons.

1. Most importantly, it was the right crowd.

2. The writing conformed to the format of the event.

3. While the changes were minor, the edited intro set up set the tone of satire and condescension rather nicely.

4. My performing skill has increased dramatically. I'm still no Sir Ian McKellen and I never will be. But I was able to project a variety of emotions and use a variety of vocal and mic techniques to punctuate the bit. I really enjoyed what I was doing and felt in command of the performance.

The event was judged and I didn't win. But I didn't care. I got what I wanted out of it and had a lot of fun.



Oddly, they played a continuous video of 80s cartoon toy ads behind the performers during the show. At a stand up club this would be unheard of and fatally distracting. But somehow it worked. Having the Transformers behind me as I sing the praises of a video game console seems to fit in some strange way.

The cherry on my ice cream Sunday of nerd came at the end. After the last performance the theme to the original Battlestar Galactica was played and the host started in on the monologue. He made a mistake and in the rather raucous atmosphere I chided him, "get it right!" He asked if I knew it and when I affirmed he surrendered the mic.

With the music rising to a majestic crescendo I stormed the stage, and with the crowd cheering recited....


Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny,
the last Battlestar, Galactica,
leads a rag-tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest:
a shining planet ... known as Earth!


I felt like a rock star!

The Mother of All Flower Arrangements

A client of mine is having a trade show and this is the center piece to end all center pieces.

Nerd Poetry Slam

Wanna hear limericks about Wookies and haiku about D&D. Oh yes you do!

Nerds are hawt, baby!

I'm doing the Nerd Poetry Slam this Tuesday, July 10th at the Bowery Poetry Club.

THE EVENT

THE CALENDAR

THE LOCATION

I am now eXtreme to the Max!

I gots me an XBox 360 yesterday. It's shiny and it makes me happy. Or at least I hope it will.

I'm grooving on their online versions of European-style board games like Catan and Carcassonne.



Wanna play?

Drop me a line and I'll send you my gamer tag.