iPhone Fanboy

A photo of my new iPhone ... taken with my old iPhone.

iPhone 3G S Mania - 7 AM at The Apple Store

Call Me Master, Again

Exactly 11 months since making Sectional Bridge Master in the American Contract Bridge League I've made it to Regional Bridge Master. Whoot! That's another notch in my nerd cred!

Now comes the long slow climb to North American Bridge Master. I'm gonna get me all the hot grandma on grandma action I can handle at the next bridge tournament.

I've Got My Work Cut Out For Me

To my great dismay, it seems there are a whole lot of people who are geekier than me. I guess if I'm to continue my quest to be the gayest nerd on the planet I need to go buy a furry suit, some comic books and start writing fan fiction.

Building France from Scratch

Because we have more time than sense, and because we are big, gay, board-game nerds, some friends and I decided to see what would happen if we played a game of Carcassonne with all of the Big Box Expansions at the same time. The result was a delightfully chaotic three hour game that was surprisingly fun.



The final winning score was 268 and by the end the board covered almost my whole dining room table.



Immediately after this photo was taken a tickle fight ensued.

Dorks on Subway Art

Alright ... dorks? Definitely. But art? Well ... you decide.

I am so gay for the iPhone

Apple Bois Are Hawt!

I'm at the Apple Store. I can really only take this place for about 30 minutes, tops. After that, the combination of gadget lust and pretty-boy nerd lust becomes so overwhelming I must flee and search for a cold shower.

A Dilema Only A Nerd Could Have

I've been playing BioShock, which is gorgeous with a sophisticated narrative and is generally, all around, freakin' awesome.



I was getting toward the end of the BioShock story when Halo 3 was released, which is gorgeous with a vast, incredible galaxy to explore and is generally, all around, freakin' awesome.



So now when I play BioShock, I wish I was playing Halo 3. But if I play Halo 3 I feel like I'm cheating on BioShock.

I need my mother call and say, "You finish your delicious, dystopian, art deco, first-person shooter, young man or you won't get any delicious, thrilling, science-fiction first-person shooter! Do you know there are children in China who don't even get to play Pong?"

So instead I'm playing Burnout Revenge and just hoping the pain will go away.



Of course, all of this is just to get my mind off World of Warcraft.



What a Dork.

Whole Foods Speaks Nerd

Ensign Crusher, You're So Dreamy

I am so gay for Wil Wheaton. Not only is he a total hottie, but he's smart and funny as all git out. He delivered the keynote address at Penny Arcade Expo, an annual gathering of video gamers. He recounts his childhood growing up in the 80s being a nerd. In telling his story he tells my story.

This magnificent bit of storytelling would be right at home on This American Life. Whether or not you're a gamer, this is worth a listen.

Thanks, Wil. You're awesome.

What are you doing Friday night?

A Family That Dorks Out Together Stays Together

Here's my brother, Burke, conducting the Star Wars Theme.

No really.

My brother.

Conducting.

The Star Wars Theme.

No.

Really.



Nerd runs in the family genes.

It brings tears to my eyes.

Revived, Repurposed and Redeemed

Instead of one of my usual, malcontented rants, I thought I'd post something that actually complies with the stated purposed of this blog, just to be different.

Two years ago I wrote Ode to the XBox 360 as a satirical blog essay. I liked it and decided to try to perform it as stand up. It failed utterly. But I remained convinced that it could performed and enjoyed in some other form.

I dusted it off, edited the intro slightly and performed it for the Nerd Poetry Slam at the Bowery Poetry Club this week. What fun!

It was my first time performing at a spoken word event and it was a smashing success. The crowd was jammed with nerds. The host wore a T-Shirt bearing the image of The Simpsons Comic Book Guy and asked questions about Star Trek and Muppets.

Anyone who failed the trivia challenge was mocked by audience chants of "Not a nerd! Not a nerd!"

Where previously the bit had failed, it worked here for four reasons.

1. Most importantly, it was the right crowd.

2. The writing conformed to the format of the event.

3. While the changes were minor, the edited intro set up set the tone of satire and condescension rather nicely.

4. My performing skill has increased dramatically. I'm still no Sir Ian McKellen and I never will be. But I was able to project a variety of emotions and use a variety of vocal and mic techniques to punctuate the bit. I really enjoyed what I was doing and felt in command of the performance.

The event was judged and I didn't win. But I didn't care. I got what I wanted out of it and had a lot of fun.



Oddly, they played a continuous video of 80s cartoon toy ads behind the performers during the show. At a stand up club this would be unheard of and fatally distracting. But somehow it worked. Having the Transformers behind me as I sing the praises of a video game console seems to fit in some strange way.

The cherry on my ice cream Sunday of nerd came at the end. After the last performance the theme to the original Battlestar Galactica was played and the host started in on the monologue. He made a mistake and in the rather raucous atmosphere I chided him, "get it right!" He asked if I knew it and when I affirmed he surrendered the mic.

With the music rising to a majestic crescendo I stormed the stage, and with the crowd cheering recited....


Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny,
the last Battlestar, Galactica,
leads a rag-tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest:
a shining planet ... known as Earth!


I felt like a rock star!

Nerd Poetry Slam

Wanna hear limericks about Wookies and haiku about D&D. Oh yes you do!

Nerds are hawt, baby!

I'm doing the Nerd Poetry Slam this Tuesday, July 10th at the Bowery Poetry Club.

THE EVENT

THE CALENDAR

THE LOCATION

Jedi stamps are hawt!

Nerdgasm!

Nerd Tattoos

This shit is hardcore, man, hardcore.

Nerd Tattoos

Don't miss the adorable story of the Mac fag. It's the first one on the page.

Why Engineers Shouldn't Write Recipes

Check out this chocolate chip cookie recipe.

Ah ... nerds. I do love them so.