The Most Mantastic Love Seat in Lower Manhattan

The Road To My Happy Place

Look At Me! I'm Old!

Using advanced digital imaging systems, at the spectacular cost of millions of dollars, we have created this simulation of me as a crotchety, 80-year-old man. Alas, my dashing good looks have faded. But at least incontinence hasn't robbed me of the joy of beer.

Attentive Service

C'mon, Luftansa! Just come out and say it. "Our stewardesses will blow you."

They're Just Teasing Us

Seriously, WTF? Someone built a poison water fountain.

Your New Obsession

I'm only going to say this once. So is everyone paying attention?

PLANTS vs ZOMBIES

Seriously. What else do you need?

The Reds Are Coming!

Ravenchase is a fabulous scavenger hunt / mystery on June 14. This year it's a retro communist invasion theme. It's free, but you MUST reserve a ticket and they are going fast.

Almost A Gift

I was charged with buying the gift certificate that three friends were giving to a buddy getting married. I failed completely. Since I didn't want to show up at the wedding empty handed, this is what I brought.

Not As Sexy As You Might Think

Only In New York City ...

... do you ever to see a drag queen in full makeup, going to the airport with a suitcase, wearing a winter parka and knitting.

Box or Vase? I Can't Decide.

You've Never Lived ...

... until you have streamers on a bike.

Beware the Unicycle Swiffer Brigade!

We are speedy, fierce and tidy.

Stupid Never Felt So Good

And the 2009 award for Most Fantastically Vapid Song Lyric goes to the Dutch pop band, De Toppers for the line ...

"Love Will Make Us Glow In The Dark."



I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or cry tears of joy.

The Rare and Beautiful Indoor Pigeon

How exciting to have actually caught a glimpse of the elusive, indoor, bus-station pigeon in the wild. What majestic creatures!

Walk. Don't Walk. Whatever. You decide.

Real men aren't afraid to try lip gloss.

Someone's Been Having Fun at Walmart

Please no snorting ...

... these are Drinking Straws.

Arrrrr, Matey!

September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Mark your calendar for next year.

I was bummed this turned out to be the day I was flying. Nonetheless, I was determined to talk like a pirate at least a bit and have some fun.

Some people got it.

"Arrrr, lassie, I be wishin' ya a merry talk like a pirate day, Arrr!"

"Oh yeah, I heard about that ... um ... Arrrr!"

Some didn't.

"Arrr, matey, this be a fine vessel for sailing the seven seas. I'll be havin' a Ginger Ale and some headphones for the in-flight movie, Arrrr!"

"What? Where have you been?"

The unexpected fun part of talking like a pirate is that it's contagious. After talking like a pirate to the "wenches" in an Irish Pub, they started talking like pirates to the other customers.

Excellent! My work here is done.

It Came From Craigslist

If you enjoyed,

"Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers?"

Then you'll love,

"Guide to Gay Personals Ads"

and

"My roommate is obese and I am looking to have an intervention."

You're welcome.

One More Trick and I Can Be a Clown

While buying poi at Dubé Juggling Equipment I decided to get some balls to brush up my long forgotten juggling skills.



All I have to do now is learn to spin plates and I can join the circus.

Obsessive? Moi?

This post is offered as incontrovertible evidence that no detail of my life is too mundane or insignificant as to be unworthy of full documentation, analysis and public consumption. So let's talk buttons.

Did you know that mens' dress shirts often come with extra buttons? They're provided either in a little bag or are sewn on the placket below the belt line.



Now, I'm rather particular about what goes in my pants. (Ba da bum!) So while I appreciate having the spares, they bug me and I finally snapped. Well I'm sure you can see where this is going....

After a flurry of scissors, tweezers and X-Acto blades I reaped a rich harvest of buttons and thread scraps that would make any tailor proud.



Please excuse me now, I have to go sew back on the ones that shouldn't have been removed.

I am very silly.