1Password Pro Free for iPhone This Week Only

In addition to becoming the #1 shill for Dropbox, I've recently become a big fan of 1Password. It remembers your passwords so you don't have to. It is for Mac and iPhone only. If you have both a Mac and an iPhone, 1Password Pro for iPhone will sync with the Mac version.

The Mac version is $40. The iPhone version of 1Password Pro is usually $7 but is totally free until December 1st. Get it now. Be sure to get the Pro version and not the regular version if you want syncing.

You were just thinking, "Hooray! At least he finally shut up about Dropbox," weren't you?

Ha!

1Password has beautiful synchronicity with Dropbox. If you store your 1Password settings file inside your Dropbox, you can sync up all your login passwords between all your Macs and your iPhone. Never again will you be stuck saying, "Damn! I can't log in because my password isn't saved on this computer and I can't remember it."

Do you have to lose everything before you make backups?

Another friend's laptop failed this week. Dead. Gone. Maybe she'll get her data back. Maybe she won't.

Have I mentioned that data recovery usually costs $1000-$2000 or more? And that's only if it works, which it often doesn't.

Lucky for her I'd badgered her into getting a free Dropbox. But in a spectacularly stupid backup failure, she did not put her documents into the Dropbox. She was literally one drag and drop away from being protected three days before her computer just up and died without warning.

Why didn't she put her documents into the Dropbox? "I was gonna do it on the weekend."

Then she said to me, "I was afraid to tell you I hadn't made backups because I knew you'd be mad at me."

No. No. No. No. NO! NO! NO! NO!

The reason to make backups is not to avoid my ire. The reason to make backups is because your don't want to lose all your stuff.

I find it utterly pathetic that I care more about the data on my friends', family's and clients' computers than you all seem to.

It all boils down to this ... are you one of those people who has to lose absolutely everything before you learn your lesson and start making backups? If so, please continue to ignore me. If you would like to be spared that pain, get a Dropbox.

I Just Deleted All Your Files!

Stop and think about it for a minute. How would you feel if you lost all your files ... your photos ... your thesis ... that script you've slaved over for years ... your novel.

If you I'm gonna let you pass on this Dropbox thing you've got another thing coming. I really mean it. I am shoving this down the throat and up the ass of everyone I know.

You, yes YOU need a Dropbox. For 15 years I have been designing backup systems and they've always been cumbersome and high maintenance, until this service. Dropbox finally got it right.

You have no excuse. It's free. It's effortless. EFFORTLESS, do you hear me? It's encrypted. It's secure. You set it up, you put your stuff in it, and you never, ever have to think about backups again.

Not only does it backup your stuff automatically and for free, but there are all sorts of neat tricks you can do with your Dropbox.

Here are 15 Advanced Dropbox Tricks.

One of the niftiest tricks is Dropbox for iPhone. You can access all your files from your phone. Not only can you view them, you can email them. So if someone asks for a file, tap it on your iPhone and send it to them. It's just that easy.

Even if you don't have an iPhone, you can still get to your Dropbox files anytime (at work, for example) by logging into the Dropbox web site.

Dropbox saved my ass three times the very first week I installed it. Get your Dropbox now.

Free, Automatic, Effortless, Internet Backups ... Now You Have No Excuse

You know how I'm always bitching at you to make backups?

Just this week another friend lost another research paper she'd worked on for hundreds of hours. She screamed and railed against the support reps from the manufacturer of her laptop.

No, sweetheart. No. You're lovely, but no. It's not their fault. It's yours.

I don't know what else I have to do to get this through to all of you. You, yes, you, the person reading this right now, you, YOUR HARD DRIVE IS 100% GUARANTEED TO FAIL. It is an absolute certainty. Not maybe. It will. The only question is when.

Hard drives are like the tires on your car. Sometimes they wear out slowly. And sometimes they fail in the most spectacular ways possible.

There is now a free service I am recommending to all my friends, Dropbox. Get it now. No really. Now. RIGHT FREAKING NOW. Not tomorrow. Not when you get around to it. Not when you're done with your project. STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW AND GET A DROPBOX ACCOUNT. I'm telling you. I'm ordering you. I'm begging you.

OK. Do you have it yet?

Good.

Here's how you use it.

Install it on every computer you own and also your iPhone.

It puts a folder on your computer called "Dropbox". This folder is magic. It automatically syncs between all your systems. Any document you put in your Dropbox will also appear in all your other Dropboxes. From now on, instead of keeping your documents in your "Documents" or your "My Documents" folder, you'll keep them in your Dropbox. Your Dropbox will become your new Documents folder.

AND!

Everything you put in your Dropbox is magically, automatically backup up to the Internet. Dropbox even let's you retrieve older copies of documents you've lost.

Even if you make backups at home (and you should) if your whole house burns down you'll lose your laptop and your backups with it. Dropbox protects you against this.

I have not believed this strongly in a service in quite sometime. Everyone should use it. EVERYONE.

Did you read all of this and not go get a Dropbox account? Then you're an idiot.

Really, please. Do it.

My First Movie Is Done!

What happens when Two Nerds, a Party Girl and a Russian Dominatrix throw a party for Microsoft?

Check out my new comedy video!

The Ultimate Windows 7 House Party

Watch it. Rate it. Comment on it. Share it. Won't you please?

Obsolescence

Progress

It's Here! It's Here! It's Here!

iPhone Update 3.0 is here! Look! I'm copying and pasting. ZOMG! I'm doing it right now! Look! I just did it again! I may faint.

Portable Speakers for Outdoor Fun

A lot of people have complimented me on and asked about the portable iPod/iPhone speakers I use at poi spin meetups. I did a lot of research and think the Griffin Journi speakers offer the best combo of sound, price and size for rechargeable portable speakers. The built in folding stand/case is absolutely brilliant. And it's small enough to fit in my poi bag.

They are now discontinued but that just means you can now get them for less than $50. They don't officially support the iPhone, but they work with it just fine if you put the iPhone into Airplane mode.

HOWEVER, when the new iPhones are unveiled next month, I think there will also be a new wave of cool accessories. So unless you absolutely must get something this very minute you might want to wait.

My Old Flame

For the few horrid days I was returned to being among the wretched iPhone-less. Fortunately, my old Treo took me back with open arms like an old lover still pining for my return. Oh sure, we both knew it'd only be for a few days, but we didn't want to talk about that.

He rolled out all his old tricks, "Remember how much you liked to play backgammon and solitaire with my stylus? That other guy can't give you Vindigo like I can."

"Oh you're so cute, Treo. And you never change. I've missed your maps on local storage that don't require a cell signal and work underground. But I just don't have the heart to tell you that your stylus is awkward, your stamina isn't what it used to be, your age is showing and I've moved on to much better games like Bubble Bash and Spore. Let's just pretend like it's old times again for this little while."

"Of course, I'll have to break your heart again when my new lover comes back to town. You understand, don't you? You still make a great alarm clock. Being on my nightstand is better than being in a drawer with my old Sony Ericsson so I don't wanna hear any whining. I'm sorry. That was cruel, wasn't it?"

"We had great times together, you and me, baby. I'll always remember you fondly. It's just I've moved on. Please don't hate me for falling out of love with you. These things just happen."

"What? No. I love your stylus. Really. Why would you ask that?"

Anything But Silence

I never travel without music or podcasts anymore. My iPhone needed service and so I was to be without media player for three days. It's embarrassing to admit the idea of silence had become a bit spooky. So filled with anxiety was I over the prospect of having to travel the city without the ability to jam sound in my ears I didn't put the iPhone into its shipping container until I'd actually arrived at the drop off.

But New York City is anything but silent, it teems with sound ... people, traffic, machinery. I'd forgotten the sounds of the subways ... the squeal of brakes, the screech of wheels on rails, the hiss of compressors, the lurch of the cars. Mechanical things always fascinate me.

And I'd forgotten the little games we play on public transportation ... "Guess My Ethnicity" ... "How Stupid and/or Crazy Am I?" ... "Eavesdropping as a Public Sport". The small sounds of the passengers and the loud sounds of the crazy passengers were all fresh again, like when I was new to the city. And I remembered what it felt like to feel connected to the diversity of humankind in a city brimming with people.

The experience has been interesting and not so scary after all. I finished reading the book I'd put down a few months ago. And I found a welcome calmness that I'd perhaps forgotten.

On the whole, I prefer having my media. But perhaps in the future I'll leave my iPhone home once a month, just for the human experience of it.

The Machines Are Trying To Kill Us

I am now seeing these everywhere around the city.



Did somebody forget to test their new software before loading it on all the traffic light systems? Sheesh.

"Your voting missle silo is now ready, sir"

Normally I'm in favor of technological progress. But given that election technology progress is in the hands of the Evil Diebold Corporation I've discovered an unexpected fondness for our giant, absurd, industrial, cold-war-era, mechanical voting machines in New York City.



Sure, they aren't shiny and new. But they don't run Microsoft Windows.
They can be audited. And old people know how to use them.



Our bizarre election laws here allow for multiple parties to nominate the same candidate. This does *not* split the vote. But it does determine which party gets election funds.



I vote on the Working Families line instead of the Democratic line when I can. Working Families is to left of the Democratic party, more progressive, pro-gay, pro-universal health care and more concerned with the poor over corporations. Voting on the Working Families line supports their efforts and gives them a little money. It also reminds Democrats to not take me for granted because I'm considered part of the "base" who is expected to vote for them, even when some of them sell me out.

Please Just Stop

Turns out there's something worse than Microsoft being huge and evil and controlling and arrogant ... Microsoft trying to pretend it is Apple.

Hi-Def Cable For Everybody!

Eight Isn't Enough

My main system for work and art projects is a Quad Core Mac Pro. I love it and it's been plenty powerful for my needs. So when Apple announced they were going with eight cores standard I thought, that's nice, but aside from video artists who will ever need that?

Turns out the answer is me. Currently I am:

• Recording the Olympics in hi-def,
• Transcoding 200 Gigs of Olympics video files for my Apple TV,
  
• Batch processing thousands of hi-res digital photos in Aperture,
• Installing the latest 500 Meg MS Office security patch, and
• Encoding poi videos.
  

I have all four processors pegged.
My CPUs are running at 118° F and my RAM is at 170° F.

My computer has let me know in no uncertain terms that if I'm going bitch slap it this hard, I can damn well wait my sweet time to launch my email client.

Mmmmm ... eight cores ... drool....

Bali 2007 Photos

I decided to upgrade from iPhoto to Aperture, Apple's professional photo management tool. As with all professional programs, the learning curve is harsh and occasionally frustrating. But Apple's free workshops are most helpful and the reward for this endeavor is great.

I'm finally bringing order to my rapidly growing photo library. And as I sift through the back catalog finally making albums and publishing them, it has brought these images to life for me once again. I decided to tackle some smaller, long neglected trips before trying to make sense of the 1,000 photos I brought back from Italy.

So here, at last, are my Bali 2007 Photos. If you have a large monitor, don't miss the Giant Bali Panorama.

WTF, Steve?

I compared the browser loading speeds of an original iPhone and an iPhone 3G side by side. The new iPhone with 3G was consistently slower. With 3G off and both phones using EDGE the newer phone was still slower.

WTF?

How embarrassing for Apple's "Twice as Fast" ads.

I'm guessing this is a software optimization issue that will be addressed in the coming firmware patch.

A Cunning Plan That Cannot Fail

I got so sick of misplacing my USB flash drive that I put it on my keyring. Perfect! Problem solved! What could go wrong? There's no way I'd leave the drive plugged into a client's server downtown and not notice until I got home at 2:00 AM costing me $86.92 in taxis. That would just be stupid.



In other news, did you know that a darkened, deserted conference room with lovely nighttime views can be an oddly peaceful place to collect your thoughts? If you're stressed and trying to cope, I suggest a lovely Chardonnay / Sauvignon Blanc blend to relax the soul and lubricate the mind.

Out With A Whimper

CompUSA, America's totally not premium, actually pretty lousy technology store is dead, dead, dead.



Yeah, that's great ... employees can pick up a check.
And where do I pick up warranty service for all that CompUSA crap I bought?

Meh.

Industrial Revolution Nostalgia

I was in a shoe repair shop today. Between the awesome old machinery
and smell of leather these places always make me nostalgic for my
grandfather's upholstery workshop.

The Next Big Thing

If you thought the iPhone was big ... the Apple Phone is gonna be huge! (on view at the MoMA)

Is Everyone Moist Now?

We need more bathtub technologists.

I'm paying $1.99 per episode for this to suck? - Unplugged Part 3

(This series started here, "Unplugged - Part 1".)

Buying TV by the episode is a very different consumer experience from having cable TV. This didn't hit me right away because the first couple shows I grabbed are reliably good. But now that I've expanded to shows in which I have a more casual interest, I'm much more aware of the quality of what I'm watching and whether it's worth it or not.

It strikes me odd that it took this shift in spending to give me this realization. Because money is far from our most valuable asset. Our time and attention are the most valuable things we, as sentient beings, can give or spend.

When I had cable TV, I used to just chuckle when a series jumped the shark. Now I find myself thinking, "I'm paying $1.99 per episode for this to suck?"

Going unplugged has made me far more conscious of what I choose to watch. Because each and every show is a conscious choice instead of an act of passive, slack-jawed, remote-in-hand, couch potatoery.

(Potatoery is so totally a word and if you don't believe me look it up. Don't contradict me.)

Which brings me to this.

Lost sucks.

Whoa, Nelly, does it suck.

The first season was awesome. Season 2 was OK. Season 3 sucked. And now that season 4 has started, it sucks too. It no longer has a narrative. It's just a sad attempt to string together spooky events and spooky characters with startling revelations and laughably out of place spooky music.

In particular, I've never forgiven Lost for killing off the character played by adorable, fluffy-muffin-head, Ian Somerhalder.

(((swoon)))

And then Lost forced me to wait a whole year for the death of the character of his annoying, selfish, stupid, bratty, whiny sister. That almost made season 2 worth it. While the violins played and she gasped her dying breath I was literally jumping up and down on the sofa for joy.

Fuck she was irritating.

But I digress....

So now I have a dilemma. This is the last season. Do I keep watching out of some desperate hope for improvement and closure?

I probably will. If only because I have a credit on my XBox Live account and can't seem to find anything better to do with it. And sometimes, despite my soliloquy on the preciousness of our time and attention, you just want to zone out and make fun of something.

Lost will do I suppose.

Sigh ... two months until new Battlestar Galactica.

I'm continuing to evaluate the video quality of Apple TV and XBox Live video. I'll have more to say about this in the future. For now I'll just say the dramatic variance is unexpected and startling.

Unplugged - Day 2

(This series started here, "Unplugged - Part 1".)

Prior to going unplugged, my monthly entertainment subscriptions were:

$4 XBox Live Gold
$15 Netflix
$15 World of Warcraft
$12 TiVo
$107 TimeWarner Cable

$153 Total Monthly Subscriptions

All this was before I bought a single DVD, rented a movie, grabbed a track off iTunes or went out to a show.

At no point did I decide to have a $153 per month entertainment budget. It just crept up on me over time. A couple bucks here ... "sure I can afford" this there ... and, Bam! Without ever making a conscious decision I'm spending two grand a year.

In particular, every time the cable bill arrived I'd think to myself, "A hundred bucks? I must fucking love television!"

But I don't love television. There are several shows I enjoy very much. But television as a whole is a wasteland. I almost never surf. Thanks to TiVo I am very targeted with my TV watching. I watch what I want on my schedule.

Other than The Daily Show, I don't watch news. I can't take it. Until the story is something other than our government is corrupt and Iraq is a mess, I'm not watching. Because it's the same story over and over. The details and the names of the criminals and the victims change. But the stories are the same.

Furthermore, I don't watch live sports.

So I realized I don't actually watch TV ... I watch programs ... specific, targeted programs. This makes me the perfect guy to go unplugged.

I have never liked budgets. They feel to me like diets feel to most people, "Can't have that, or that, or that. None of that. Oops, shouldn't have had that. Feel bad. Feel bad. Feel Bad. Splurge! Feel Great! Buyers Remorse. Feel Bad."

I'm OK at managing my money, I just don't like absolutes.

Unfortunately what this has meant, is that most entertainment expenditures above my subscriptions have come with some measure of bad feelings. I haven't bought things I've wanted. And I've felt guilty about things I have bought.

But now, with all the money I've saved going unplugged, I'm going to give myself a monthly entertainment budget. I haven't decided how much, but I'm thinking $80. Maybe I'll just wing it without another of those absolutes.

This idea is incredibly liberating and has me quite excited actually. Now I get to go on a spree every month guilt free. iTunes one-click buying? Sure! Doctor Who DVDs? Yes! The new season of Penn & Teller's Bullshit? Absolutely!

So far I'm not even spending real money yet thanks to some generous gift certificates my thoughtful friends got me for my birthday.

Next on "Unplugged," exploring the quality and experience of getting your shows from the Internet instead of cable TV.

Unplugged - Day 1

18 years of rising cable TV bills + Apple TV goes hi-def = Dale finally snaps

I returned my new TiVo, canceled my TiVo service, canceled Netflix, canceled Time Warner digital cable and bought a shiny new Apple TV. I'd planned to subscribe to The Daily Show, South Park, Heros, Lost, a bunch of Podcasts, movie rentals and more.

So what did I watch on Day 1 of my new unplugged life?



That's right ... it seems I got sucked into the digital brain damage that is YouTube. An hour later, after total shut down of all higher cognitive functions, I finally extracted myself gasping for air and wondering if I could get a job in data entry with what is left of my brain.

Now I know how Algernon felt?

More on this saga to come....

P.S. YouTube blown up to 1080p on a 50" Plasma TV looks like shit.

Creating "The Want!"

A couple weeks ago Steve Jobs introduced the MacBook Air.

(Here's a different link if you'd like to watch it directly on your iPod or iPhone.)



I Want it!

I don't need it.

And I don't care that I don't need it.

I Want it.

Just look at it for Pete's sake. It's freakin' gorgeous!

The ability to create this desire is Jobs' gift. The combination of innovative design and presentation creates The Want.

Substance + Performance = The Want

Other companies have elegant products. But none of them create the buzz of a new Apple product. I'm sure it makes them jealous.

Anyone in the performing arts or who does public speaking would do well to study Jobs' presentations.

I had an interesting experience the day of the keynote. Apple did not stream the event live as it has in the past. So I followed the EnGadget blog to get the jist of the announcements and MacRumorsLive photo blog to get a vague, fractured impression of the presentation.

These two sources together gave me all of the facts, but none of The Want because the Jobs performance was missing. So it wasn't until a few hours after, when the recording was posted, that I was able to watch it.

What surprised me was how engaging the presentation was, even though I already knew everything it contained. And it wasn't until I watched the recording that I experienced The Want created by the famed Steve Jobs Reality Distortion Field. It's a measure of Jobs' charisma and ego that this term even exists and applies solely to him.

Jobs creates The Want by understanding what happens in a buyer's mind and speaking to our desires. One point where he did this particularly effectively was the lower left corner of this graphic which I'm certain you'll find utterly uninspiring out of context.



Jobs talks about what we all want from a laptop. We want it to be light, yet powerful. He examines the competitions' products and agrees they are light, but enumerates the concessions they must make to achieve this: cramped keyboard, cramped screen, slow processor, thicker than desired.

While many of us might not have cared or even noticed some of these compromises, once they are presented as disadvantages we are primed and ready for his product.

"Yes, Steve, I agree. I wish I didn't have to sacrifice those things to get what I want. I want it all. I deserve it all. I want what you want. So what do you have for me?"

That's when he has you right where he wants you. Before he's even shown you the product or told you it's name, you already want it. Then he gives it to you.



He is the master. And he does it again and again. Before every product announcement, he makes you suddenly, desperately need things you'd never thought about before that moment.

If you are not inclined to watch the entire keynote, jump to 54 minutes in to see the part I have discussed here where Jobs first creates The Want and then introduces the MacBook Air.

There are two other spots in the presentation worth noting. The first, at 50 minutes in, Jim Gianopulous, Chaiman & CEO of 20th Century Fox, pulled a movie out of his ass.

Allow me to clarify. I don't mean, he made an odd or surprising movie recommendation such as "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey was the best sequel ever and we're proud to bring it to you now in HiDef."

I mean, he reached behind him, jammed his hand into his pants, and pulled a DVD from his butt crack.

I couldn't believe it. My eyes just about rolled right out of my head. So I backed it up and watched it a few more times. Sure enough ... hand, butt crack, movie. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at anything in a corporate marketing video. They couldn't get this guy a tray or an envelope or an assistant?

Nope.

The chief executive of one of the major movie studios has nowhere better to keep DVDs than in his butt.

Priceless.

Finally, the keynote ended with the song writer from Toy Story singing this bizarre song about how foreigners should go easy on America for our foreign policy mistakes (read corrupt, morally bankrupt and unnecessary war) because at least George W. Bush isn't as bad as incest, infanticide, plagues, Hitler, Stalin and the Spanish Armada.

Um, what?

Yes, we're not quite as bad as the worst crimes, authoritarian regimes and genocides in history, so please keep buying our bullshit and try not to resent us when we open a Taco Bell in Mexico that serves french fries.

He called two U.S. Supreme Court Justices "tight asses". I heartily agree. But how does this sell iPods?

It was really, really odd.

OK. Now for some fun....

Here's the official Apple MacBook Air Ad.



Only genius (or stupidity) is worthy of parody, and here they come.







And here's a hilarous mash up of Jobs' favorite presentation exclamation.

Apple Bois Are Hawt!

I'm at the Apple Store. I can really only take this place for about 30 minutes, tops. After that, the combination of gadget lust and pretty-boy nerd lust becomes so overwhelming I must flee and search for a cold shower.

Podcast-A-Go-Go

So guess what I've just discovered?

Podcasting!

Yes, yes ... I'm so very cutting edge.

Actually, I checked out podcasting when Apple first added it to iTunes and found the technological interesting but the content to be banal. That has changed.

Here are my picks. All of them are free. If you don't own an iPod, you may still watch/listen to them in iTunes, which is also free.

TECHNOLOGY
dl.tv (best of the bunch)
This Week in Tech (news highlights with analysis)
MacBreak Weekly (Macintosh and Apple stuff)
Circuits with David Pogue (mostly gadgets)
X-Play (video games reviews)

ART, CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENT
This American Life
The Onion News Network
The Onion Radio News
Savage Lovecast
Comedy Central: Stand-Up Video

Fellowship of the Really Pissed Off Nerds

OK, kids. It's time for remedial question and answer time.

QUESTION: Who loves Lord of the Rings?

ANSWER: Nerds

QUESTION: When you offer a nerd a choice between less of something the nerd loves or more of something the nerd loves, which does the nerd choose?

ANSWER: More

QUESTION: Who are the early adopters of high-definition home theater?

ANSWER: Nerds

QUESTION: Which release of Lord of the Rings offers more Lord of the Rings, the theatrical release or the extended edition?

ANSWER: The extended edition

QUESTION: So given that nerds love Lord of the Rings, have high-definition home theater and want more of what they love, which version of Lord of the Rings is New Line Cinema considering releasing on hi-def DVD?

ANSWER: Why, the theatrical release without the extended scenes, of course. (Because everything on the Internet is true.)

Fuck you, New Line Cinema. Fuck you right in the ear.

I'm not touching your stinking hi-def Lord of the Rings DVDs until you put out the extended editions.

Of course, it's all a bit academic, since they haven't release or even announced anything official yet. But I've never let that get in the way of a good rant.

Oh yeah ... and fuck you too, George Lucas. How many freaking times to I have to buy the Star Wars Trilogy?

Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Monster Thieves

One of the ways tech retailers gouge consumers is by selling new technology with outrageously priced cables.

"Congratulations! You bought your first high-definition TV. Now all you need are three of these $150 cables."

Seriously.

Circuit City, Best Buy, all the retailers, really, have the audacity to charge $150 for a "premium" brand called Monster Cable, the biggest ripoff of all time. There is no reason for digital cables to cost this much. The retailers and those fuckers at Monster Cable are cynically and deliberately taking advantage of consumer ignorance.

I have never understood why good-quality cables cannot be purchased for reasonable prices. In my office I have a box of obsolete cables which are worthless now but I estimate cost me about $12,000 over the years.

I have recently discovered MonoPrice.com and I will never buy cables anywhere else ever again, and neither should you. An HDMI cable is $4, not $150. An optical, digital-audio cable is $3, not $70. A 5-port HDMI switch is $60, not $200.

As I slowly get my new high-definition home theater system up to speed I am ecstatic to have found this supplier. The cables are so inexpensive I'm buying extras to save on shipping.

"If anyone needs me I'll be down here with the dust bunnies."

You'd think being a computer consultant would be an intellectual job. And it is ... when I'm doing strategy. But the rest of the time I'm doing implementation and support ... which is a fancy way of saying, "crawling around on my hands and knees plugging in cables."

It's really the bane of my existence.

It's not so bad when I know it's going to be one of those days and I wear jeans. But it never fails, any time I have an executive meeting and I wear something nice, something unexpected comes up and there I am again, on the floor in the dirt.

Ah well.

Die AOL! Die! Die! Die!

I loathe AOL.

Such are my feelings for AOL that I looked up "loathe" in a thesaurus to see if there is a word that is stronger. There isn't. But I can do this....

I abhor AOL.
I despise AOL.
I detest AOL.
I deplore AOL.
I deprecate AOL.
I disapprove of AOL.
I disdain AOL.
I disfavor AOL.
I execrate AOL.
I scorn AOL.
I Mother-Fucking Hate AOL!

It wasn't always this way. I joined AOL almost 20 years ago when it had 70,000 users. Back then it was a super-cool, Mac-only service. Steve Case sent us a personal email every month thanking us for our support, for referring our friends and giving us a status update.

But now I hate them. The mere mention of AOL sends me into a rant. Which is ironic because I've actually made tons of money from helping clients with AOL. The worse a service is, the more money I make providing support.

So by all rights I should love AOL. But I don't.

I hate them because their service is so bad that it offends me, philosophically. I hate them because their user base is a cesspool of stupid. They have 35 million customers, all of whom seem intent on personally forwarding messages to me on topics like how to cure a heart attack by coughing.

When I try explain to people, as gently as I possibly can, why forwarding this crap around is actually harmful and not helpful, somehow I end up as the bad guy. (Go figure.)

"Gee, Dale, I was just trying to help. It seemed important and I know you like the Internet, so I thought you'd want to know about the Olympic Torch Virus. Why are you being such a jerk?"

It doesn't matter how polite I try to be, people don't like being told that they've been duped and that their messages are not welcome. After losing a couple casual friends after asking to be left out of such forwards, I've stopped trying.

And no matter how times I repeat it, people just don't seem to think I really mean it....

IF A MESSAGE WAS FORWARDED TO YOU, PLEASE, DO NOT EVER FORWARD IT TO ME.

Why is this simple concept so difficult for people to grasp?

Even people I've told, in writing, repeatedly, still forward me crap. They just put a comment on it, "I know you don't usually like these. But this one seemed important / urgent / dangerous / funny / whatever."

My monthly email volume is now 5,000-10,000 messages. I have been forced to implement four stages of spam filtering using the best software available. Four! And I still have trouble separating the messages I vitally need from the ones I don't.

But I digress.

This started as a rant about AOL and it's degenerated into a rant about stupid people clogging up my inbox. So let me return, if I can, to my point.

The fact that a person still uses AOL for professional email is such a clear and reliable indicator of total technological incompetence that when someone at a conference hands me a business card with an AOL address on I throw it away. Experience has borne out again and again that "technodude8124@aol.com" and "designerchick3317@aol.com" are neither useful business contacts nor desirable clients.

If you're still reading this I have a few thoughts for you, dear reader.

1. I admire your stamina.
2. I am aware that all this makes me sound me sound like an arrogant and unmitigated techno-snob.
3. I do actually have some productive suggestions for the poor, beleaguered among you still chained to the AOL monster.

AOL has announced they intend to transition into providing many of their services (email, IM chat) for free. This means if you already have DSL or a cable modem for your Internet connection, you can stop paying AOL and still keep your screen name.

Actually, it has been possible for a couple years now to cancel your AOL account and keep your screen name. They've just been very quiet about it.

Both email and IM continue to work on a "cancelled" account. You don't even have to do anything special. Just cancel and then keep using their free services on the web and using AIM.

Really.

Do it. Do it now.

You can only cancel by phone. Here's the number. 800 827-6364.

I did it a few years ago and the AOL screen name I never use any more still works to this day.

While you're at it, get GAIM, the free Instant Messenger program without all the damn ads. It supports AIM, doesn't crash your computer all the time like AIM does and it doesn't install all that adware/spyware crap. Actually, you should switch to GAIM whether or not you cancel your AOL account. It's just better.

Finally, for about $50 a year over at GoDaddy, you can get your own domain. It's easier than you think. And then instead of being "CluelessCompuTard@aol.com" you can be "you@yourdomain.com".

Imagine just how cool you'd be then!

If I help just one person cancel AOL, being this much of a jackass will all be worth it.

How To Get Free Technology Stuff

Over the last five years I estimate I have managed to get $10,000-12,000 worth of free gadgets and computers by taking full advantage of extended warranty programs. You can too. My latest audio blog is all about how.

PART ONE


PART ONE - correction

PART TWO

PART THREE

Apple Is Getting Smug....

It's about damn time!

(Isn't the "Mac" adorable?)

Make Your Own Browser Icon

Ever notice how some web sites have their own custom icon in the address bar of your browser. You know, one of these little guys.


Want your own? Here's how.

Ode To The XBox 360

I recently wandered into a Circuit City. I had no particular expectations. I thought I'd drool over the Phillip PX50 plasma displays again, maybe drop twenty bucks on some blanks DVDs.

But then, as I looked up from the bitchin' 12-megapixel Nikon DX2, I was stopped dead in my tracks. What's this? There, before my very eyes, was a sight so amazing, so arresting, it shook my values to their very foundations.



It was Call of Duty 2, on the XBox 360, in Hi-Def.

It was beautiful beyond description. The scenery, rendered with details which make life itself pale by comparison. The motion, smooth as my first lover's touch. The blood, flowed like water from the fountain of youth.

And pixels, oh the pixels! There millions of them! Millions, I tell you. Millions of glorious hi-def pixels.

This was no mere game. This was an experience ... in Dolby Digital Surround Sound with 5.1 channel matrix encoding.

I watched it. Mesmerized.

I watched it and marveled. I watched it and felt a peace my troubled heart has never known. I watched it and felt ashamed at the hubris of desiring to posses something so exquisite. Truly a filthy wretch like me could never defile something so delicate, so sublime with a heathen's touch.

It brought the disgrace of my countless sins into stark relief. My fragile, feeble human mind was overwhelmed. I could bear its radiance no longer. I had to look away.

I staggered from the temple of the object of my desire, gasping for breath, clutching my pathetic substitute purchase. I looked at my dual-layer 16x DVD+RW media with Lightscribe technology hoping some for comfort. But it brought me no solace. How could it? Cast from the garden of the most holy, I began to realize ...

I would never feel joy again.

As the moment passed, I was filled with a deep sadness of this new and terrible knowledge. The universe grants each of us what seems a gift ... but becomes a curse ... one single moment of perfect beauty in a lifetime. Mine came without warning and passed in an instant.

In the aftermath of this tragedy, my life has been a hollow existence ... a vain search to touch once again that all too brief, wondrous moment which, in my heart of hearts, I know will never come again.

So heed this warning, please I beg you. Satan lives at Circuit City, dressed as an angel!

Seek not to view the face of true beauty and true perfection ... lest ye be left as I am ... a shadow ... broken and empty.

Oh yeah! And dude, the explosions totally rocked.

Death to Spammers

In addition to jamming our email accounts with porn and Viagra ads, spammers are now using automated systems to publish their crap to other peoples' blogs. To stop this, Blogger.com now offers word verification (a very cool feature to consider using if you blog using Blogger.com). I hope you, my dear reader, will not find this too much of an inconvenience.

I'm just sick of "Trixie" and her friends posting comments like, "You're so hot! Check out my Online Casino and Snatch Bonanza."

Security Links

A formatting glitch caused all the links for free security software to be omitted from my original post.

Doh!

It's fixed now.

Links To Free Security Software

How to Protect Your PC for Free

Here is the new, simple, reality of using the Internet.

Ready?

If you haven't already taken some pretty comprehensive steps to protect your PC, the following statement is 100% guaranteed....

You are infected with spyware, viruses and/or worms.

Now a lot of people still cling to the belief that because they are not a bank or the CIA they are not targets. This was true in 1988, but not anymore. While it may be true that there is nothing of interest to hackers on your hard drive. Your computer itself is very interesting to them.

Your computer is fast and it is connected to the Internet. If it can be hijacked, they can steal your passwords, credit cards, bank accounts or commit identity theft. They can copy every file on your hard drive, use your computer to send out millions of spam messages or turn your PC into a porn server. And all this can be done without the hacker ever having to target you specifically. They run scripts that scan the Internet for people who haven't protected their PCs. The hacking and control of your system has all been automated. So unless you stop them, your computer will join the legion of zombie PCs doing the bidding of Internet scammers who never even need to know your name to recruit your computer to their evil purposes.

Being "a nobody" no longer offers any protection. Your computer is being scanned for vulnerabilites, every single day it is connected to the Internet. "It'll never happen to me" just doesn't cut it any more. Chances are, it's already happened to you.

So here are two plans for protecting yourself.

PLAN A -- Switch to Macintosh ... really. What are you waiting for? Since the release of Mac OS X five years ago do you know how many viruses and spyware programs have successfully breached the security of the Mac system? Zero. None. Not one. If you use a Mac, instead of spending 10 hours a month trying to keep the forces of evil off your computer, you can actually work. Quell Fromage!

PLAN B -- OK, fine. You're keeping your Micro$oft PC. So your need to take some proactive steps to protect yourself.

1. From a security standpoint, Microsoft Internet Explorer is possibly the worst program ever foisted upon the public. For non-existent, all-powerful entity's sake, stop using it! Switch to Firefox. It's far more secure and has lots of nifty features like, tabbed browsing, RSS feed support and a built-in pop-up blocker.
2. If your don't have an anti-virus program, get one. AVG Anti-Virus is free. Whatever anti-virus program you use, be sure to keep it up to date.
3. Viruses and spyware are two different threats. Anti-virus software will not protect you from spyware! If all you have is the Norton or McAfee anti-virus program that came with your system, it is not enough. Get AdAware and Spybot Search and Destroy and use them both. There's so much spyware out there, that one program isn't enough to protect you.
   
4. If your PC plugs directly into your DSL or cable modem you are totally exposed and at much greater risk of having your system completely hijacked. It's much safer to connect your computer to the Internet through a router, like a Linksys or an Apple AirPort. They all have simple but effective firewalls built in through a system called Network Address Translation (NAT). If you don't have a hardware router, you need a software firewall. Download ZoneAlarm. Or if you're using XP at least turn on the Windows Firewall. It's not that great but it's better than nothing. Note, one firewall is enough. If you have a router, you don't need a software firewall. If you use a software firewall, only use one.
5. Disable Windows Autoplay. This dangerous Microsoft Windows "feature" is one of the ways that stuff like the Sony Music rootkit gets on your computer in the first place.
6. Run Windows Update often and keep up to date with all the latest Microsoft security patches. Windows 2000 and XP users can set Windows Update to run automatically.

Notice two things ... first, Plan A is a lot easier than Plan B.

And second, Plan B is all free. So it's perfect for you starving artist types.

Corporate Hubris

It is with deep satisfaction that I've been watching the evil fuckers at Sony Music get spanked and spanked hard. They released millions of music CDs that when inserted into a Windows PC, install software that hides itself on your system. The intent of the software is to prevent you from copying the music you paid for, even legally. The real effect of this malware is to slow down your computer, make it unstable and open a gaping security hole through which viruses can take over your whole system.

Sony is taking a well-deserved beating in the press.

Wikipedia: 2005 Sony CD copy protection controversy
CNET: Security Watch: To be "0wned" by Sony
The New York Times: Who has the right to control your PC?

Even Microsoft, hardly the bastion of corporate ethics, has pronounced the Sony software to be malware.

Over half a million name servers on the Internet show evidence of Sony's rootkit trying to phone home. Here's a map showing the spread of the Sony spyware infection in just a few short months. (Click the map for a larger view.)



As usual, Macintosh and Linux users are entitled to feel smug about their systems not being affected by this crap.

Sony claims they had no bad intent. Bull-fucking-shit! This was an act of spectacular arrogance and they will pay the price. Two viruses that exploit the Sony malware have already emerged. And two class action lawsuits have already been filed. More are likely. The public outcry forced Sony to recall all the affected CDs. In a supreme irony, Sony is offering customers the chance to download MP3s of the copy-protected music they bought ... the very thing the rootkit was supposed to prevent in the first place.

It has now emerged that the Sony software is itself a copyright violation. Sony used open-source software that it did not create without complying with the license for that software. In other words, they stole someone else's software in a lame attempt to prevent the stealing of music. Hypocrites.

But their arrogance doesn't stop there.

At first Sony refused to say what CDs had their nasty little invader on them. But then they acquiesced and published this list. Before they'd give you the malware uninstaller they demanded you surrender your email address, a further invasion of privacy. And their first uninstaller actually installed more software that couldn't be unistalled.

After their uninstaller was denounced, Sony withdrew it to rewrite it. So at the moment, their is no uninstaller available from Sony. They promise to release one here eventually.

So you need a third-party, anti-spyware program to get Sony's claws out of your system.

And those assholes at the RIAA defend Sony saying they did nothing wrong. Unbelievable! Well ... actually ... totally believable. It's just more of their usual stuff.

The fabulous Electronic Frontier Foundation is leading the charge against Sony.

The Sony Music Execs should be strung up by their huge balls.

It's stuff like this that drives honest people to piracy.

As so many villains have said in so many films ...

I will enjoy watching you die.

Laptop Alley

Look! We're so hip sitting at Starbucks in The Village, sipping our mocha soy lattes while working on our screenplays. Don't you wish you were us?

The Master Showman

I've been watching Steve Jobs' MacWorld keynote addresses and other presentations for years. He is the master showman. Steve Jobs presents the release of each new product as a "Revolution!" And the world believes him. His genius, drive, charisma, magnificent arrogance and showmanship practically bend space and time around him. People call it the "Steve Jobs Reality Distortion Field."



His sheer force of personality is the reason why Apple Computer continues to lead the tech industry. Without him, in 1997 Apple would have fallen into an interesting footnote.

People often hate creative geniuses like Steve Jobs and Carl Sagan for their arrogance. This is precisely why I like them. There are few beliefs more arrogant than, "I can change the world." But it is precisely that attitude and that arrogance that is required to create change.

Visionaries are usually arrogant. Because usually only the arrogant can withstand the monotonous, relentless drum beat of the status quo, "You can't. You won't. It shouldn't be. You'll fail."

"I can. I will. It should be. Watch me."

Every time I watch The Jobs, I fall under his spell. No matter what he's selling, while he's selling it, I'm buying. And it's not until a couple hours later and the effect wears off that I go, "Wait a minute! It's not a revolution! It's just a fucking mouse!"

But I love him and admire him for it, for his ability to make me believe and to want.

Years ago, I drank the Apple Kool-Aid. I'm a little older now. And I no longer count myself among the true believers. But I still use Macs. As a computer consultant, I make my living on Macs when I can, and on PCs when I have to. I still have a fondness for The Macintosh Way. And I still like a good technology show.

Steve Jobs' most recent webcast was for the launch of the iPod Nano and iTunes Phone. The "news" in this presentation is, "We made the iPod smaller and we made a cell phone that plays music."

That's it.

Smaller.

Phone.

Period.

But I defy you to remember that while you're watching it. I defy you to not believe that it's a "Revolution!" And I defy you to not want to buy two of everything he's selling by the end of the show.

If you want to see the intersection of technology and art done right, check it out.

Yummy Flat-Panel Hi-Def Goodness

This is the home theater system Ilan and I built in the cabinet we had custom made.

Bridge Geek Paradise

I'm a gadget geek.
I play bridge.
The Duplimat is a Bridge Geek's Paradise.
It's a machine for presorting cards into predetermined bridge hands.
I have absolutely no use for a Duplimat. None.
But it's just so cool I want one.

Consumption vs. Creation

Last night I spent 9 hours helping my friend Ilan assemble the home theater system we designed together. I drilled. He hammered. I sawed. He cleaned. We lifted, plugged and crawled around on the floor for hours stringing cables (my favorite activity in the whole world.) When we were done we'd created an elegant, sophisticated system that makes a nice center piece to the living room of his new apartment.

We had a custom cabinet made at Gothic Cabinet. I love that place. Don't let their shabby-looking showrooms fool you. They do amazing work. You can walk in with a sketch on a napkin and they'll render a precise diagram and build a beautiful piece of well-crafted, solid-wood furniture and stain it to any color for less money than a lot of the fiberboard crap from Ikea.

When we were done, to christen Ilan's new system, we watched Butterfly Effect. This is a favorite movie of mine, and not just for the Ashton Kutcher prison sex scene.

It's about a boy with troubled childhood who later, in his early 20s, discovers he can change the past. He does so with the best intentions, hoping to fix the mistakes of his youth and improve his life and the lives of those he cares about.

But, as you'd expect, it all goes horribly wrong. Each change for the better also comes with side effects for the worse. And each subsequent attempt to fix these complications continues a downward spiral until he finally concludes he'd be better off dead.

I won't spoil the ending for you. But I will say that if you see it, be sure to watch the Director's Cut! The theatrical release has this crap Hollywood ending the studio made the creators put on it that totally ruins the message of the film. The Director's Cut has the ending the creators originally envisioned. It's a dark ending to a dark film, as it should be. (Why do Americans need everything to have a happy ending? How very sad and shallow.)

The message of the film with its original ending restored is ... be happy with who you are and your past including your mistakes, including the bad parts, especially the bad parts. Accept your past and know that your failures and tribulations are as responsible for your identity as your successes and happy times.

On my way home from Ilan's at 4:00 a.m., tired and sore from all the manual labor, I had a little smile on my face. Which brings me to the title of this post. I created something yesterday ... something functional ... something beautiful. I envisioned it, planned it, built it, executed it through to completion and enjoyed the fruits of my labor .

And I realized something. (I've been doing that a lot lately.)

Creating makes me happy.

Consuming has never made me happy.

Consuming may amuse me, entertain me, distract me, relax me or stimulate me. But no manner of consuming in life has ever brought me anything more than passing enjoyment.

Creating is the only thing that brings me any satisfaction and happiness in my life. So I'm fortunate to have so many opportunities to create: writing, performing, dreaming, designing, planning, building, love making, photographing, campaigning for change, building communities, learning or even just cooking.

So excuse me, please. I need to go create something.

I See You Out There!

Since there actually seem to be people reading this (egad!), I decided to keep track of you all.

After a little research I decided to use:

StatCounter.com

It's free, it took me all of 5 minutes to set up, it's invisible, it doesn't put hideous ads on my site and it offers full-featured stats, not just an ugly counter.

If you run a blog or any other site without a stats feature and want to know something about your traffic, check it out.

Disaster or Minor Hassle ... Choose

Being a computer consultant is like being a dentist. He tells you to brush and floss and take care of your teeth, and then makes a fortune when you don't listen.

As a computer consultant I advise clients and friends to make backups, and then I make a bundle of money when their hard drives fail and they didn't listen.

So here some free advice that, unlike most free advice, is worth something.

You! Yes, You! The person reading this right now. Your hard drive, the very hard drive on the very computer you are using to read this right now ... is absolutely, positively, 100% going to fail and crash and die, dead, dead, dead.

I amazes me how many people can't wrap their brains around this simple concept.

"Oh my God! Why did it fail? How did it fail? It can't have failed, it was working this morning. Well no one ever told me it was going to fail! If I knew it was going to fail, I would have made backups."

So I'm telling you ... right here, right now ... it's going to fail. Failure is absolutely guaranteed. When you bought it, it came with a promise from the maker, "this will work for a while, and then it will fail." The only question is when.

Hard drives are like the tires on a car. They wear out. You expect them to wear out. Their manufacturers publish specification on when they expect them to wear out. So knowing that it is certain they will wear out, you should have a plan. With tires, you carry a spare. With hard drives, you should make backups.

You have no excuse. Most computers these days have CD burners. So make a backup. Hell! At 30 cents each for blank CD-R media, make 5 backups.

Don't buy cheap, generic CD-R media unless you want to pull it off the shelf in 18 months and find out it doesn't work. Buy a name brand. It doesn't matter which one, Sony, Imation, Memorex, whatever, so long as it's a brand you recognize. Staples brand and CompUSA brand don't count.

Why am I ranting about hard drive failure?

The primary data hard drive for my company server failed yesterday. Gone. Dead. Totaled. It was less than a year old. And it went from functioning perfectly to 100% failure in the space of a few hours. There was a little blip of an error in a log file. And then it died.

All the data on it is gone. Client files. Company files. Logos. Letters. Presentations. Financial Data. Accounting Data. Every script I've ever written for my comedy act. Every digital photo I've ever taken. All gone.

No problem.

I popped in my backup, which updates automatically every day at 4 AM, and voila!

100% data restoration in a few hours. And that's 130 Gigabytes of data we're talking!

As we put more and more of our lives on our computers, backups become more and more important.

So it's your choice. If you make backups, when your drive fails (note the 'when' not 'if'), it will be a minor hassle and perhaps a minor expense. Or you can put it off. And when your drive fails, it will be a disaster that costs thousands of dollars or worse ... you could lose the novel you've been writing for the last three years and all the photos of your loved ones.